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Attorney, Belligerent Beneficiary, Beneficiaries, Beneficiary, Beneficiary Rights, Debts, Demanding Beneficiary, Estate Attorney, Executor, Final Accounting, Taxes
The belligerent beneficiary is a type of beneficiary that feels slighted by the estate. For whatever reason a beneficiary feels slighted, the beneficiary becomes belligerent by acting out towards the estate and the executor in any of the following ways:
- A beneficiary may try to insert themselves into the process by continually demanding updates, reports, or accountings.
- A beneficiary can threaten to exercise their right to contest the will or threaten a lawsuit.
- Feeling slighted, a beneficiary may become uncooperative by withholding information needed by the estate such as signed assent forms.
- A beneficiary may try to harass the executor into giving them more property than otherwise entitled.
Regardless of how a beneficiary behaves towards the estate, the executor must respect the rights of each beneficiary and treat them professionally, fairly, and, if necessary, firmly.
A Demanding Beneficiary becomes Belligerent
In the estate I managed, I had to deal with a beneficiary that was demanding as described in the article A Demanding Beneficiary and the Wish List for Possessions. In the article, I told the beneficiaries of a limited distribution because of the few possessions available. Soon after, the demanding beneficiary became belligerent and remained that way through most of the process. However, as executor, I was confident that I could manage this beneficiary for three important reasons:
- By following the guidance of my attorney, I was competently handling the estate.
- I was administering the estate within the laws set forth by the probate court.
- I was administering the estate in accordance with the will.
If an executor follows the above mentioned rules, then the belligerent beneficiary becomes nothing more than a nuisance to the executor. In my estate administration, this is how I handled the belligerent beneficiary:
Communicate with all the Beneficiaries
In the article Communicating with the Beneficiaries is Essential for the Executor, the beneficiaries received updates from me on a regular basis. As a result, most of the beneficiaries were respectful and all of them were cooperative.
Have all Complaints go to the Executor
When the attorney told me that a beneficiary called to complain about me concerning personal possessions, I knew two things right away:
- The demanding beneficiary has now become belligerent.
- If I didn’t stop this behavior, other beneficiaries may call the attorney directly, running up expenses.
To stop this behavior, I asked the attorney to refer all complaints to me. The attorney agreed. This rule had the following results:
- It sent a message to all the beneficiaries that the attorney represents the executor, not the beneficiaries, in this estate. So, if a beneficiary wanted to sue me, as executor, they would have to hire their own attorney.
- As executor, I knew all the concerns of every beneficiary. This allowed me to work with the beneficiary to solve a problem without incurring expenses.
This rule didn’t stop the belligerent beneficiary from calling the attorney instantly. However, after constant rejection by the attorney, the beneficiary got the message.
Treat all Beneficiaries Fairly
From the beginning of the estate administration, the belligerent beneficiary wanted to be part of the process. In the early stage of the process, the beneficiary called and ordered me to give an update on my progress and the estate account balance. In a professional way, I refused the demand explaining that it was too early in the process to give progress updates. After the conversation, I communicated the following to all beneficiaries:
- I will continue to communicate with all beneficiaries on a regular basis. When there is progress to report, I will include the information in the communication.
- I will provide a final accounting at the end of the administration when all debts, taxes, and assets have been settled.
- As beneficiaries, expect fair and equal treatment from me. Not one beneficiary will receive more than otherwise entitled.
- All beneficiaries are part of the process. At some point, assent forms need signing from all beneficiaries. Also, if I need the services of a beneficiary, I will contact them directly.
After that communication, disruptive behavior by the belligerent beneficiary ceased. In fact, the belligerent beneficiary was cooperative when needed throughout the entire process.
Executor Confidence is Crucial to Thwart Threats
After denial from any extra involvement in the estate settlement process, the belligerent beneficiary continued the fight over property. The belligerent beneficiary, still upset about the way I distributed the personal possessions, threatened to sue me. As mentioned above, a lawsuit didn’t concern me because I was confident in how I was proceeding. So, when the belligerent beneficiary called to threaten me, I agreed that we should settle the dispute in court. The beneficiary brought the belligerence up a notch, but in the end, a lawsuit never transpired.
Remain Resolute against Harassment
Still upset about the personal possessions, the belligerent beneficiary started a harassment campaign. Early in the process, I distributed all the personal possessions to the beneficiaries. However, the belligerent beneficiary wouldn’t accept the possessions in the way I distributed them. So, I stored the possessions in the basement of the estate property and continued on with the settlement process.
On occasion, the beneficiary would call and ask about the possessions. The beneficiary wanted to know if I was ready to lay out the possessions for inspection and selection. Without fail, the response was always “make arrangements to pick up the possessions”. This dance continued for a while until I settled all the assets.
Once I settled the assets, I was fed up with the behavior and I gave the belligerent beneficiary an ultimatum. In an email, the belligerent beneficiary was given a deadline of one week to pick up the possessions or I would claim the possessions and distribute them among the other beneficiaries. The belligerent beneficiary knew that the will provided no instructions to distribute personal possessions. So, having no recourse, the belligerent beneficiary relented and claimed the possessions.
Conclusion
Standing firm didn’t end the battle over the possessions, but it ended the constant harassment and got the possessions moved.
Moreover, I never had a problem with cooperation from the belligerent beneficiary. This beneficiary wanted more property than otherwise entitled. So, uncooperative behavior wouldn’t serve the agenda well.
In the end, not all estates are the same. The degree of difficulty involves many factors including beneficiaries. However, if the executor administers their estate competently within the laws of the probate court and by the will, the executor should have nothing to worry about. The belligerent beneficiary becomes nothing more than a nuisance.
Are there other ways you can think of to handle belligerent beneficiaries? Is this article helpful in handling difficult beneficiaries? Enter your questions or comments in the comment section below.
Thank you for such a helpful guide! Your tips on how to avoid probate in Alberta are spot on. I’ll definitely be discussing these options with my estate planning attorney to ensure a smoother transfer of assets for my beneficiaries.
Hello Arthur,
Thank you for the kind words.
Robert
Disclaimer: I have no legal background. I am not a therapist, shrink or anything medical. All I say is strictly my opinion. You should talk to people who actually practice in these fields for the 100% way things should be done. I accept no liability as this is just friendly advice
I know who gets appointed, Mr. Dowling, don’t they have to have the acceptance by all possible beneficiaries and if they don’t like the choice they had a chance before the Executor title was awarded and they also had a chance with the bond waiver document?
I am sorry for the loss of your father and mother. I lost my dad when I was just 3 and was in my crib in the room when he took his last breath but removed from room when paramedics arrived so I can understand the mental stress.
Since Covid restrictions were in place at the hospital my mom was at, they only allowed 2 people to have visitation rights and only 1 at a time. However a third family member couldn’t be added to the limited 2 people, my brother and myself. My brother told my sister they say only 2. Same day I pleaded with the nursing staff, talked to the most senior nurse on the floor and said my sister lives in Tacoma so coming down on just a maybe chance would be expensive as she would have to be driven down and then have to turn back around same day due to work. Well my pleading and begging to allow my sister her only chance in a year to at least see her and say goodbye, they called me and said tell her to come we will grant her a visit despite the rules (I am suppose to be trouble one in the family right now, my sister held that title for 30 years).
Now we have a dysfunctional family. Anyone of us could match the description of your out of town sister. I would think you can point out that until you get the letters Testamentary you don’t technically have much you can do to cover cost from the estate and you of course can point out this is personal money you are paying out.
I would think you can tell her to file as a creditor or submit the bill and the probate court judge can determine if those are valid estate expenses and I would think you could ask the judge to have her compensate you for charges that are 100% not at all part of any estate business.
The family meeting is the greatest problem, believe me. We agreed all three would have to agree on every action. My sister wants her 1/3 of the house I live in and told me to move out of state where it would be cheaper to live and could buy a good size house as she had no plans and would not allow me to live inthe house, my brother had been responding that nothing has been determined, no discussions with my sister and if she thinks it is going to be her way well she will find out she doesn’t have as great a say on the house as I do. Of course that is now in doubt and every day I feel he is up to something and I know he is trying to get things rushed through so that by the time I do seek legal help the estate will be closed leaving me little or no options but I know it will cost the estate if I add my litigation and only keep things stuck. He had to start paying out of his families money to take care of me so he of course has his family to respond to along with a wife (sister in law for me) who sees me as gutter trash, white trash, sewer or swamp trash, since my brother told a few stories to her in his own retelling and he has forbidden me from every apologizing to her so she would even give me a penny if that meant the difference between life and death (just so you know her entire family a very devout Catholics, my brother and her I guess the part of the Lords Prayer where it goes something like “I ask that you forgive me for my sins just as I forgive those who have sinned against me”, there must be an asterisk in their version that says I am not eligible for forgiveness.
I know what it is to be both a thorn but also acting out as I have no power and no say. The car I used to empty 2 storage units out I had to put boxes with rat turds in the car and was promised once money from the estate was available, the car would get a full interior and exterior cleaning but now my brother said any verbal agreements with me are void and I was to take the car as is with no cleaning.
Sometimes the troublemaker is not always what you might think. From having therapist sometimes the person could feel slighted in some manner by how they were treated by parents. If she is a step daughter that is always a high risk of sibling unrest because of that her parents weren’t both her biological parents and those that are seem to be treated special. My sister when she visited my mom was expecting my mom to give her like some sort of gift of items, from the China dishes (the ones you get with a wedding), most of the presents she bought for her returned, my mom to even accept her apology for how she was a screwup when younger. My sister cost my mom her US Marine Corps career and a promotion to major as the Corps didn’t allow husband and wife to serve in the corps if they had a child and it was the wife who had to leave so my mom had to resign or she could have probably got to General and able to wear the uniform to my graduation from boot camp as she was still within in the age to serve. Since my mom didn’t specifically give a list of items she wanted to go to my sister, she wants to drain every penny of my mom’s estate in her 1/3rd share. Because my mom provided treatment when I was ill (I was living at home with her while my sister lived a couple of cities away and would be about 20-30 min drive) and didn’t come without wanting to be presentable in public, my sister held a grudge against her. I am also a target within the bullseye meaning my sister has me in her sights but denies it. I told her that mom was hoping the three of us would be adults when it came to things like the marriage rings, the china and other things. I am single, never married, never got to date because of being ill, my brother married a much wealthier Filipino (I hope that is okay to use for someone from the Philippines) so naturally my sister who got married in Vegas with Elvis walking her down the isle (which was a position she asked would I do the honor and I said you name when and where and I would be the one honored to give her away) but my mom didn’t satisfy what she was expecting in reaction.
Your step sister from out of town might feel slighted. I would always reach out to her and ask her why is she upset/jealous over you being appointed Executor. Show her a list of all the duties, paperwork, court room visits, cost of lawyer and the accounting that needs to be done, as maybe she doesn’t understand what is involved with being an Executor and that you don’t get to use personal feelings when it comes to the inheritance as the will or other document and the probate court have the say on that, if no will yes it is messier than what I have read.
Now being in her shoes as me, I would want to have family reach out as I feel that being out of town I am not being told everything. When that happens my paranoia and fear that I am being ganged up on or going to be ambushed is very high and I can become very stubborn or outright question what is really going on. The house which my mom left to my brother due to fact at the time she added him, I had creditors after me, since I couldn’t work because of being sick and therefore couldn’t pay credit cards off and with fear they would go after my inheritance or the house, my mom made that adjustment. Of course she is gone and now my brother says 1 thing, my sister says something different and both say the other sibling is wrong and it hasn’t been decided even though they promised my mom they would take care of me and would help with living expenses but only if I agreed to a strict budget. This winter to show coop, I used no heater not even a space heater and during the winter my city can be between 30 (on the very worst) to maybe on a good day get up to 52. Our PGE bills when my mom was around and she had to have the heat, the pge bills were anywhere from $600 to $1,000. This winter the bill hasn’t been above $135, since I do have to electricity to watch TV or use my computer.
Anyhow she could feel like she is being ganged up on because she is out of town and you are close to your other sisters. She might fear the three of you might totally exclude her. So the first thing I would need to be told is that your job doesn’t allow you to play favorites and you must follow the will or the courts decision. That ones own personal expenses are not something that can be billed to the estate or paid. Give her as mentioned some printed or email material that says what can be billed.
I wouldn’t do a family meeting just yet. Instead take her to dinner and ask her what concerns, problems or other questions she has. You can then talk to her about what you can or cannot do, tell her the process of probate, the role the Executor plays and what you personally going to do or have to follow like a will. Let her know that she can call you anytime to ask about what is going on. I understand the Executor does not have to be at the beneficiaries call, but when my brother kept me in the loop and avoid accusing me, calling me names or insulting me, we could get things done now things are being rammed down me and only has created greater hostility. Yes he doesn’t have to reveal things to me but it helped in the past. Make her feel like she is part of the process. Perhaps ask her is there any specific asset of your mom’s assets, tell her the house will be dealt with based on what you are legally required to do and how the house would have to be done.
Try your best to avoid having private meeting with your sisters first then send out an email to your step sister as she might feel like it is a plot against her. She could feel your sisters are going to get more, so let her know what is known based on the will. If you can try to do video conferencing, or a text message meeting of all parties that are beneficiaries. Make sure you avoid saying anything that sounds like you are ignoring her or that she is going to get a share less of inheritance while your closer sisters get more. Tell her when you get to milestones and let her know what will be happening next. Ask her to feel free to email or call you with questions on anything for any reason or something like that. Try to involve her in helping decide what direction you could go and ask for her advice on what she thinks. If you can find a role for her like if she knows of any documents from her mom that could help to please send them to you as it will be extremely appreciated.
Try to gain her trust. Avoid throwing more gas on a fire, even if they started it and let them cool off and your peaceful reaction might or might not help things to de-escalate but throwing gas on the fire yourself is only going to make the problems get worse and I don’t know your sister from out of town but I know when I get into disputes, I might forgive but each one is harder to forget and can form a pattern.
Growing up my brother and I weren’t close. I was teased, joked at, bullied, picked on, pushed around, made fun of, etc and so without the ability to transfer all that pain to something, sadly I did things to my brother instead, like he would say when we played football on our knees in the family room I would intentionally sit on his head and fart, or I would join those doing the same things to him as they did to me. He said he feared me. Ironically I feared him since he wasn’t a tooth pick but was a little over weight and knew that if he tried to get revenge it would have been hard to have defended. In my 40’s when he revealed this resentment I apologized, asked for his forgiveness and admitted that things I did weren’t because I want to inflict those things on him but due to being subjected to those things and not having an outlet for the pain. Maybe that is why I played highly compétitive soccer where you have to try out each year just to stay on the team, no one was promised to get their spot again, but it would happen anyways. Maybe I sought the sport as a way to be an outlet but then I got teased the 2nd and 3rd year because I went from playing at the entry level my first year to the highest level and of course my skills were 2-3 years behind all those on the team and I took the spot on the roster that was held by a very good friend to many on the team, he quit as he wanted to play pop warner football (NFL type). So the outlet I chose just continued.
So ask her if there are issues between you and her. I would ask her would she be willing to join you in counseling, but don’t say it is her fault but that you want to understand the conflict and want to settle it because you are sisters and that maybe you had a rocky sisterhood growing up but now that you are on the last 1/3rd approx. of your life, that getting close and bonding is what you want, yeah sometimes you might have to do what you don’t like in order to tame the sister from out of town.
When you get to a point where you have multiple things to discuss ask her what time would be best for her, would she want it out of town where she lives or can a phone/video conference/chat room be okay, make it so she feels she is controlling the family meeting (now that isn’t a problem for me, living but 5 miles from my brother but how he handles himself while being executor and the last 1 and 1/2 months where he is giving me select A or Select B and I will make you hurt and put the cost to the estate on your shoulders. My sister and brother set up a family meeting by phone at a time when tensions were very high and my sister had revealed she was going to demand the house I have as shelter be sold and I must move to a state where cost of living is lower or even out of the country – yeah that won her plenty of flowers for being my big sister.
So meet with her, talk to her, just the two of you, find out any issues or questions, explain to her what the estate can and cannot pay for. Let her know personal expenses occured while they are living is not an expense of the estate. That she will get her inheritance at the end of probate and be honest in your estimate of how long it is going to take and give her a lower more conservative view of possible inheritance, don’t promise her $1 million if it looks like there is only about $500K after paying debts, selling the house or whatever.
The problem my brother faces from me is that he is IT and I got my bachelor’s in Business Admin and Accounting, yes Accounting which means I am more in tuned with some of the financial aspects. I have become semi belligerent in the fact that I told him, if he is hiring all these people to do his work and to come to this house, then why should I spend any time looking for documents or cleaning up to make it easier for his expensive 3rd party coming to the house to find assets and state a value for probate requirements. He needs documents which require a great deal of time to find, I get no help from him and he now wants to demand courier only transfer of documents. I thought fine, I will a courier myself at my own expense and have them deliver every piece of paper even if not relevant, the 3-5 file cabinets and if he doesn’t answer the door for the courier the courier can simply leave them as close as possible to his door and garage. Sort of a you demand me to find them, well I don’t have time and so let me give you all known paperwork in the house.
I have evidence he has done wrong and revealed it too early. It simply comes down to he won’t communicate with me by voice. My messages can be long, sadly because of trust and fear of misunderstanding or taking things the wrong way it only adds to the length. Knowing he is only reading the first 5 to 8 lines really upsets me as he doesn’t like reading long stuff. He prefers to speed through everything. Since I can’t talk to him I can’t truly tell him everything as he has taken the attitude of I am the Executor, you are a beneficiary and I don’t have to respond to anything you ask. So he has added fuel to the fire and the fact he won’t admit he started the initial fire and after 2 years of him attaching a change a block of cement that says executor that he has swung around to hit me with it, I finally lost my cool (I made sure I didn’t do anything that could cause him to call the police or worry about his safety, the property or myself) as I still haven’t got over the loss of my mom.
So unfair to you is having to figure out a way to mesh or fit in with your older step-sister from out of town. The only things that could help based on me being both extremely helpful (we are selling an old car and he asked me for known problems and I kept strictly to his list and even went out and took pictures of the parts, from brake pads and rotors, the bumps and scratches, to cracks on the fire, the look of the engine, the interior, but sadly no goodwill was returned. You step sister has to be acting out and is looking for or wanting something and I can only say find out what it is that she is upset about, or is expecting but be so polite, that after every meeting with her you jump off a 40 story building (not literally and not really), kiss up, suck up, talk to her more and more, keep in constant contact and make her feel you are giving her attention and want to value her opinion as the oldest sibling (bite your lounge) and hopefully she will start to trust and be less belligerent towards you and the family.
Make sure when you talk to your other sisters individually ask them to also reach out and tried to improve the bonds of sisterhood and the relationship you have now. You don’t have to and it might not result in any benefits, but hey do you want this dragged through the mud or do you want to bring her more in line.
However it is imperative that you provide her reading material or web references to show her what you can or can’t do, what you can pay for and what you can’t. Let her know that any reimburse of items not related directly with the settling of the estate can’t be consider an estate expense and that if she feels since your mom has passed she should be getting money for her personal expenses, let her know that isn’t how it works and when she gets her inheritance consider that a reimbursement but she will be getting the same amount or the amount according to the will (I don’t know legally if you are allowed to share that, Mr. Dowling could possible advise you or the probate lawyer as what is not allowed to be shared. Try to make sure she gets it first.
I know this sounds like pandering to her outburst but is there anything to be gained by escalating the problem or fighting back. Yes you have your limits. I think as Executor you sometimes just need to have a tougher skin because there will be a problem to someone every step of the way especially if they are already that way. However you sadly are going to need to be the adult, the mature individual, the one who can rise above the bad to make things better. She might even tire herself out and reduce her complaints and action.
Maybe even ask her to submit her reimbursement request to the lawyer and he can deliver a more legal response to her request that might cool her down.
It comes down to me at least as to both parties trying to find a way to put away old differences and work with rather than against each other. The Executor has to decide if they are going to be willing sometimes to take a punch and not return it and will do everything to remain civil, available and do anything that violates the role or position the court has given you. Your sister maybe doesn’t understand the probate process nor the executor requirements. However if you send her brochures only, that will only cause, based on my knowledge of things which is strictly advice, she could feel insulted, upset or get very angry you are sending things that she might see as saying she is dumb, uninformed, being treated like a child or whatever. So some sort of saying you have a book you read to understand the process and that you want to send her a copy for free so she can see everything you do and understand things better.
Too bad my brother isn’t willing to work with me than against and finding ways to increase the cost. Don’t try to blame me. When we first went into this and wanted him to be executor we selected him because we felt he would be fair, open minded, tough skin, and would finish the job. You can say we invested everything in him and replacing him is going to be expensive. I wish I knew if all work he has done if he quits or we have him removed can be refused to be covered because of his own mistakes and behavior or someone legally tell him he needs to be careful. My shrink says sending him a letter asking to understand the mental duress (which in my state of Cal, he has done all the things to make himself possibly liable but the strain of that fighting as well could break me and just leave me laying in bed all day, not eating, etc. I am trying to avoid but if he will not do the polite thing as my brother and keeps hiding behind his title I might have to consider but worry about a countersuit by him and by my sister for costing her any of her inheritance, so it does feel like it is 2v1 even though I have revealed to my sister the money she has lost, the money that will be lost with couriers and 3rd party asset valuation (which I can tell you my mom has no items that will be deemed so valuable. The wedding and engagement rings, her diploma (but that is sentimental value) then the house and her stock holdings are really the only assets with any real value over maybe $200.
Traci, if that is okay to call you by your first name, I know the possible pain you are going through, I know what your stepsister out of town might also be feeling and why she might be combative. Once the parent who was keeping things together has passed, the cracks and bonds the parent held together can be revealed and can be very hard to work with or around. While I am sure, just like me, you want to maintain your pride, your dignity, your self-worth and who you are but maybe avoiding getting into a fight with her will help you in the long run and trying some of the things I mentioned above and possibly how she is reacting might help you in being able to smooth out the stress, duress mentally, and wanting to lash out but holding it in and letting it out in a sport or something other as fighting back will only result in things just continue to get worse. She might be older than you but you might have to tower over her and then meet her at her level and not to argue but to find what is needed to put the fire out, please don’t add fire to the fire, it will make the process tougher.
PLEASE REMEMBER ALL COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS ARE COMING FROM A PERSON WITH NO TRAINING OR LICENSE IN THE FIELDS OF LAW OR HEALTH. THESE ARE STICTLY SUGGESTIONS, ADVICE AND HOLD NO BACKING FROM A PROFESSIONAL, JUST PROVIDING SOME OF MY EXPERIENCES AS A PROBLEM TO THE EXECUTOR AND A ASSET TO THE EXECUTOR AND HIS OLDER BROTHER.
My brother was appointed as Executor as he promised fairness and to act in the best interest of the beneficiaries. He had all account information transferred to him before he became executor. He allowed many bills to go late and then would pay the bill and the late fee and took no steps to ensure this would not happen again.
Now as we get closer to the time period in which distributions can be allowed he suddenly decided he didn’t want to save the estate the cost of an attorney and due to a dispute that got nasty between him and I, he said we done with it and started to have the attorney carry out the duties to the extent allowed costing the estate money in a decision based on retaliation to me. Apologies and request to resolve were ignored by the Executor. The Executor would not read email sent except for a few lines therefore ignoring possible import information. He refused to speak to me by phone. My emails were long as he says he has trouble understanding what I write. He won’t acknowledge me as his brother anymore unless business requires. He is finding 3rd parties to do simple duties that would not cause undue hardship to him, for example recovery of checks in which he home is 5 miles away and his daughter’s school is only 1 mile away and he states he will use a courier. He tried to coax me into using a vehicle that he uninsured and had not transferred title as he stated using the car could be considered GTA.
Repeated request to end dispute and return to the previous method which was civil and working towards a quick resolution of the estate at the least cost were refused. He said things as well that only fueled the fire. He started to give notices we had to take a decision or he would take a certain action. I had the honor to serve in the United States Marine Corps, I am 52, disabled and receive a paltry $480 a month from SSDI. I also have mental issues with trusting, social phobia, anxiety and panic attacks, depression and other issues that came about from the problem that made me unable to work. He has done everything he can to mentally abuse me. I have informed him of the damage he is doing to me but he doesn’t respond or blames me, yet even when asked for what needed to be done to resolve issue, he doesn’t respond. I apologized, I have pleaded, I gave him a chance to disown me (he neither responded nor stated he was disowning me) I have begged, I have even offered him $3000 to stop things but he simply ignores the request. He is now making decisions on expediency at a cost to the estate. Credit cards that should have been closed have been left open, late fees incurred and despite me telling him I would get the company who charged to the credit card to refund the money, the next day I got the refund but he went ahead and paid the credit card company the late fee and what was to be refunded of the entire charge and then closed the account. When asked about contacting the credit card company to have late fees removed and refunded he said he would not pursue and the estate would suffer the loss of those late fees and refund from the credit card. He had a password key that gave him access to ALL accounts of my mother. He has had to be called due to paying things late over and over. Those fines/fees incurred due to late payments he is taking it from the estate in service to be paid back to him. Despite his full knowledge of back surgery in my S5L1 location he forced me under threat of loss of inheritance and being taken care of while waiting for the pay out of the inheritance unless I lifted boxes that exceeded what was consider a safe weight, which was 20lbs or less and even when told he refused to help even though he was only 5 miles away and the goods were going to be transferred to my mom’s home, which was less than 1 mile away. One time even when I need his help with my mom in an emergency, he said he did have time but then said I was responsible for her having to be taken to the hospital by ambulance and dying in the hospital because I made a call for help and that I had neglected her if she had been on a toilet for X number of hours which he said were untrue.
Right now my Psychiatrist has had to increase one of my medications to deal with the mental duress this is causing. I fear the sun rising in the morning as I know the next problem is waiting for me from him by email. I then spend up to 4 hours responding to emails that are blunt and obviously written in a way to disallow any discussion or other options. I have told he has drained me of life and still he continues. I know under California law I could sue but he has threatened he would quit at a cost to the estate as the lawyer and cost to hire a new beneficiary would go against the estate. He has threatened to quit many times when my sister or I do not agree to what he dictates to us or refuses to listen to options. While I have not contemplated suicide I had to plan to simply walk away from a very toxic environment but then I would be considered someone who could be sent to a mental institution since I depended on medications and would have no money for food, shelter or medical care.
As another way to get at me, he deposited $3000 into the same account as my SSDI with full knowledge it would damage my extra help I was getting from SSA/SSI/SSDI and possibly lead to loss of benefits and having to go through the time and cost of getting those SSDI benefits back.
He is draining the estate with her current and past behavior of paying late and not contesting. He has failed to pay a dentist who is owed around $6000 by stating he doesn’t have the paperwork. He was given two stand out purple folders with the full billing given to him as well as e-mails showing the amounts. This dentist has gone 3 years without any payment. The pre-executor who is now Executor said to tell the dentist small payments would be made and then when assets of the estate were available, a fast lump sum payment of the rest of the bill would be paid to him. He was told he would have to avoid filing a claim in the probate court. Recent contact with the dentist showed he hasn’t been paid anything and that the executor hasn’t made any contact. Dentist had extended the payment at no interest or finance charges since he knew in advance we could pay all up front and that due to fees he incur with the credit card processor, he was willing to do this.
I have a huge list of things that keep growing about what the Executor is doing which have not been in the interest of the estate as well pre-agreed solutions for various issues that he is using in a kind of acting like a child and pulling all the toys to him and using his title to avoid honoring any oral agreements or contracts that weren’t done by email.
We can’t afford to replace him as the cost to the estate would be enourmous considering the cost to replace him and then the cost of the new executor and lawyer. He knows that and is constantly reminding us who has the power and who doesn’t and making sure we know he is the one that has control of assets that he will waste in paying a lawyer, a courier or 3rd parties to do work that I or my sister have offered to do.
What can be done about this without it costing the estate more money? I have all but bowed down to him and lay rose pedals at his feet in trying to discuss and resolve, however he wants to put me under the greatest duress in hopes I will trip over my frustration and anger and say something he can use against me legally from red flag to mental instability to harassement. I know if my mom and dad, both Marines are watching this they would be disappointed that 3 grown adults can’t solve a problem. That one is using his title and power to do anything even if not in the best interest of the estate and against a promise he made at my mom’s hospital room at her bed while she was still conscious that he would look after me and care for me with shelter, food and clothing. I am now on a 3rd day with just 2 mozzarella sticks as my daily meal as he has said any use of the car he will call the police and label it as GTA. He is refusing to provide any kind of possible advance on inheritance or other funds to have my SNT setup even though he told me I had better find one. As I said this is messy and any and all resolutions I have looked at due to him refusing to discuss by email, text or phone the problem only will hurt the estate. He is acting in a manner not consistent with how he had been acting as pre-executor and appointed by court executor in the past ever since a dispute started in mid March in which he throw the insults out and was not going to allow any negative response to his comments. I have done all I could to resolve the issue and no success. I even contacted a priest and they said they don’t help mediate disputes of a brother to brother nature.
Hi Max,
Sorry for the late response. It sounds like your Brother is an incompetent executor. You could try a couple of things:
1) If there are other beneficiaries in addition to you, have the other beneficiaries try talking some sense into him.
2) If the estate is going through probate, petition the probate court to remove your brother as executor.
Basically, you may have to do something that gets his attention such as petitioning the probate court to remove him as executor due to incompetence. Also, you did mention that the executor hired an attorney to handle the settlement process. If I read that correctly, then the attorney should be able to competently close the estate, but at a steep cost to the estate.
Unfortunately, since the executor stopped all communication with you, you may have to hire an attorney to get his attention and to handle any action you want to take with the probate court.
First, try talking to other beneficiaries or family members to see if they can convince the executor to act appropriately. If this doesn’t work, then you may have to hire an attorney to represent you in this matter.
I hope this helps,
Robert
It’s my view that any Executor or Beneficiary that does not do the job as required should be taken to Court and given full treatment by the Court. The message has to hit hard. Stop wasting everyone’s time, money, not to mention enormous frustration. The only winners here are the Lawyers.
Thanks for your response, I wasn’t expecting with a certain amount of time for response, just a response is all I was hoping for.
I learned some critical things he has violated. I don’t know if I can sue him both against his personal assets and against any inheritance that could be his.
I know the danger of going to court is that he can hire an attorney at estate expense. If he is found to be incompetent or violating his duties to often, is there any recourse to force him to repay the estate the cost including legal fees from my lawyer. My sister called the other day and if she feels any of her inheritance is lost because of any legal action she will counter sue for every single dime in my inheritance. My brother has indicated any action will lead to him abandoning the position and let someone else deal with it at more expense and he used that as a threat many times, I don’t if that is allowed, do what I say or I will quit and it is mainly aimed at me only.
My sister is simply worried about her inheritance. Despite pointing out to her where late payments were made that my brother will be billing the estate for have already impacted her inheritance but she says she is not aware of it. She I think is worried about the Executor turning on her or quitting.
I found the house is maybe not part of probate. The will states all property/assets 1/3 share to all of us. He was added to the deed for what my sister said was a Transfer upon Death to try and avoid huge taxes as the house was in an area that initially had only a 1 lane freeway each direction and now is like 5 each way. Some homes in our area have sold for 1.8 million. We are on the corner so we have an amazingly large front yard and back yard, so large the two of us when younger could play soccer on it or lazer tag. But if I live in the house my brother will remove his name from title as he doesn’t want to expose his family to any liability. Isn’t there a way to state the liability resides with me and my trust instead of him. I would be responsible for all repair cost on the house like the roof, Earthquake retrofit, windows, etc already out of my inheritance.
He still hasn’t transferred car title to me and still not started up insurance and he wants me to take over all the bills even though I only make in the 450-500 range per month from SSDI and I don’t take SSI so I can keep Medicare and not get stuck with medical.
I have warned him I am out of food. Due to back injury while in military then surgery in 2017 due to my cleaning the gutters of the house out while my mom was still alive, then when I was forced and promised help to clear 2 storage units out costing about $1600 a month combined and my brother who lives 5 miles away, my sister unfortunately lives in Tacoma, Washington can’t come. My brother was made aware of my back and reminded him several times that it was injured and his response was well the longer it takes for you to clear them out the less money I will have to take care of you till probate.
His lawyer told him that he can charge the estate for work done at the other property in my Aunts Estate. It was only offered when he saw the value of Aunt Pats estate. Him and my sister were going to charge for their time working on clearing the house out. He told me to give an estimate of whatever I think I did working in storage and it would be added to my inheritance, which in a way wouldn’t that make me employed and the back injury and intentionally forcing me to do it under threat, could be dangerous work environment (rat turds could be in boxes and land on me or I breathe the air and due to some poor judgement on boxes, many boxes had 5-7 more boxes on top of them and they were leaning as the bottom or middle box was drooping because of possible weight on top or the boxes were exposed to moisture as the facility was outside.
I eventually got a neighbor who did two transfer of items with this truck as the Accord that belonged still to American Honda Finance as my mom was leasing and my brother said don’t tell them our mom died even though the back of the contract said contract is voided upon death of the person leasing the car.
I did raise a question of ethics. If we are cleaning out property that will benefit us, do we really have the right to then turn around and bill the estate? Sort of getting paid so we can sell the asset or remove the expense. However with what is going on, I am probably going to submit for payment. My sister after I raised all these conflict/ethic problems, she decided not to charge the estate of my Aunt.
She still has not shown up at home address to look through avon iterms (which is probably over 1000 or more items for anything she thinks is valuable – she did avon for a time). I can’t get my brother to come out to determine what kitchen stuff that is stack to the ceiling in the garage is valuable. I offered to do a live video conference but he said no he won’t. So he is going to hire a appraisal firm to come into the house and look for everything and anything of value since my brother won’t let me do it with the condition that if I encounter heavy boxes I could get help. That seems to go against the rule of creating unneeded expenses on the estate as this firm would go from room to room literally going through draws, closest etc.
In regards to paperwork/documents, is he obligated to gather these items or are the beneficiaries bound to have to give them to him by whatever method he wants, sometimes E-mail and now with discover of several thousand dollars worth of checks he is going to hire a courier to bring them to his house. Is it an unneccesary expense to hire a courier when his daughter, my niece goes to school 1 miles from my house and my brother lives about 5 miles in a straight line, about 15 miles via the roads during peak traffic. I have offered to deliver them to him at his house and he said I don’t want coming near his property (I fear making the attempt as his wife I think is trying to get my brother to entrap me so she can remove me from the picture via restraining order or other (so every letter I have to add a comment not going to harm/damage direct or indirect and no threat to anyone’s life – cause of owning a firearm) like a psych ward on a possible involuntary hold hoping she can convince them to put me in institution.
Thankfully my Psychiatrist has told me many times that I am perfectly sane and not a danger to myself or anyone and someone who has control of his faculties and knows right from wrong, I am dealing with depression, anxiety, panic, being in a room with anyone but family, agoraphobia and others due to being sick around my mid to late 20’s and not yet fully able to handle work cause of medications and digestive problems. He has now told me since I have had to visit him by phone 3 times when it is usually 1 per 3 months. He has had to increase medications. He has insisted that I better get a lawyer and hopes that when I phone visit him in two months I better have a lawyer to deal with the situation at hand since there is possible duress my brother has been putting me through and since he knows I have challenges he knew in advance and he has been told by me in email but no response and at times said I am faking this so I don’t ever have to work and can live off of others. Yeah really great life I have of being stuck in the home, no car – even though that was a wish by my mom but she didn’t think it would come down to my brother saying anything promised by her if not written down doesn’t mean anything to him anymore, including the reason he was put on the title for the house to ensure I had this house to live in since SSDI is my only source of income and a home for 1 in Cal is very expensive but he wants to sell it instead.
I express to my mom 2 days before she went unconcious that my brother has refused to talk to me in the past and used his powers to even at times keep me from seeing my niece or nephew saying the medication inside of me could come through the skin and endanger his kids or impact how I treat them when he would be upstairs (not a challenge of mental that would pose a harm) that he will start using his title eventually which he has and she told me what I was suppose to do to check that power, which included legal action, but she was hoping we can act like 2 grown adults (he is 48, I am 52, my sister is 58). She didn’t want to write it down as she feared my brother would somehow get ahold of the paper and seeing my mom had tasked me with taking legal action against him that he would be mad at her (she wasn’t expecting to die in 2 weeks) and screw the family over by not being executor. He is in a way holding us hostage or blackmailing by threatening to quit and letting us have to pay a lawyer to do the estate, which is what he is doing now, he does basic stuff but put the rest in the hands of the lawyer, costing us money as supposedly he is working to be paid by the hour.
Now the check transfers needing a courier I think is wasting money of the estate because of 1 mile detour, or meeting half way between our homes (about 3-5 min max travel time) or me dropping them off at his house. The lawyer is about 15-20 more minutes beyond my brothers house. Due to check values I don’t dare send them through the US Postal Service as we are designated a training route (so I can’t get a registered/certified from a carrier and no way to insure carrier wouldn’t lose the package of checks as sometimes our mail comes to us already open from the post office). Because it is my skin that will be skewed if anything happens I want to officially hand them the checks in person to avoid any liability but he won’t let me use the car my mom wanted me to have to use when she passed as he says still estate property, so I can’ meet him somewhere (I have said I would meet at a police station, city hall or a public place in case there was some sort of fear) and that 1 extra mile in his day is too much time for him he says. He states that as Executor he is not obligated to come pick up the letters, when he is both family and lives almost a cannonball away. I served proudly with the United States Marines and this is degrading the way he thinks I am to be treated. My mom and dad were Marines as well I think I mentioned that before. He is threatening me if I don’t turn the checks over to a courier he hires at estate expense.
My sister just can’t be counted on as all the examples of abuses she either doesn’t believe or didn’t hear about and so she discounts all things that could be hurting her inheritance. She has declared neutrality and will not even make an effort to have this problem stop. Once again I think she is worried he could turn on her by quitting as Executor, costing the estate more money by any number of actions (I have already told him to stop wasting money by paying by the hour to have the attorney partially take over the difficult task). My sister is also afraid of the stress and anxiety she would be forced to encounter is she got involved as well. So it is me and I can’t do anything in terms of chatting and can’t go this house and he won’t meet with me anywhere yet he will pay a courier for that and to also come to the house to literally search the entire house, cabinets, drawers, under bathroom sinks, closets and go through over 150 boxes in the garage (which would require a great deal of manpower due to how much is in there and due to the fact space is just enough for one person to pass but not to stand and open boxes).
Personally I am just spent emotionally, physically and mentally to the point I want to walk out of the house and never turn back but I learn that no matter how sane a person is, that if they don’t have a way to support themselves for at least 30 days that can make the person being irrational and then anyone can call law enforcement to track you down and send you to the funny farm despite reasons of leaving home with no money on you.
Hi Max,
Max, I am grateful you are using my site, but you do ramble on which makes it difficult to read. Please be more direct in your writing. Anyway, from what I read, it seems the executor is waiting approval to be executor. He may also be paying bills using his own money until he can use the estate money in which he can recover from the estate once he is approved. So, what he is doing is completely legit. To better understand what your brother has to handle, I suggest you read more articles in this blog. In short, he has to protect the property of the estate, maintain an inventory of the estate, and then set up the estate with an estate account and an EIN number for the estate from the IRS. After that, and until he receives approval from the probate court to handle the estate, he can then begin to settle the estate. Settling an estate is a long process, at least a year, and after all debts and taxes have been paid, the probate court will allow a distribution to beneficiaries. There may be exceptions, but those are rare.
Since your sister is threatening to sue you, I would step aside and let the executor do his work. He could be facing a poorly planned estate that left him without money to carry the estate while waiting for appointment as executor.
An estate is set up by the person who passed using an estate plan. Executors are appointed after being named in the will by a decedent, the person that creates the will. Beneficiaries are also selected by the decedent in the will. Once the will is notarized and witnessed, it becomes a legal document that represents the wishes of the decedent and how their property will be distributed after their death. With that said, beneficiaries do have rights as well as the executor. I would suggest reading articles in this blog to make the process more clear to you.
If you think the executor is out to cheat you, I sense he isn’t reading between the lines, then you have the right to petition the probate court. If I am wrong, it sounds like you will need an attorney to represent your opinion since the other beneficiary is in disagreement with your actions and won’t help in your effort. Also, once you bring attorneys into the settlement process, the only people that inherits will be the attorneys. So, avoid using an attorney if at all possible.
Finally, I would suggest for you to sit back and read some articles on the estate settlement process and understand what your brother is facing. The last thing an executor needs is to have the beneficiaries getting directly involved.
Again, if I am wrong or misunderstood your concern, then look at my last written response. You do have rights as a beneficiary.
Thanks,
Robert
My mother passed away 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I am the executor (third child) this is a source of jealousy and contention with the eldest. She lives out of state. When my mom was dying I begged her to come back to Illinois to see her before she passes away. I told her I would pay her for her airfaire (knowing that I would pay out of mom’s estate). I just needed her there before she took her last breath. I have 2 other sisters whom I am very close with (we have our arguements; but always seem to work it out in the end). The oldest has always been a big thorn in my side, even when my dad passed 10 years ago she caused a lot of family friction and she was the step daughter. I told my sisters that any food, photo boards, items purchased for the services I would reimburse them for the items. One sister purchased 5 poster boards to display at the funeral equallying about $88 – I paid her. The other sister bought cakes and donuts for the memorial services, about $40 – I reimbursed her. The out of town sister purchased food for an extended family dinner two nights after my mom passed away. She was instructed to buy a “few snacks”. I bought Pizza and Beef Sandwiches and invited the cousins over to the house for dinner. she spent over $270 on what she calls snacks. the problem is she combined receipts for the snacks and for her personal use for her children and her family. I itemized the receipt and told her she would not receive $270; but I would be happy to pay her $165 as this was above and beyond what she bought for the family party. I felt that I was being very generous. She was submitting receipts for toilet paper she bought, for mangos and kiwi that she bought for herself, she purchased cookies, gummi bears, Kit Kats, 6 bottles of expensive wine (we only had 3) and all sort of stuff equally more then I spend on the pizza and beef sandwiches itself. She took advantage of my generousity. I paid her for her airfaire coming to Chicago; but now she is threatening to charge the “estate” for all airfaire coming back and forth from NC to Chicago if I don’t act quick enough. She wants to submit her husbands mileage and tolls for reimbursement. She wants me to pay for her daughters airfaire for coming into town for the services, she also now wants to be paid for her hotel expenses during her stay. She refuses to go home until we have a family meeting. I have told her that I need time to meet with a lawywer and have an idea of what I am going to discuss at the family meeting. I offered several times that we can have a family meeting via zoom. She will not go home and is now staying at my mom’s house with my other sister who has lived in the house for 50 years. There is a lot of tension. I have a very big class that I am teaching next week that I am trying to focus on; however, she is creating so much anxiety within me, I don’t know what to do. I will not be bullied. This is one thing I know for sure. Is waiting 2 weeks too long to have a “family meeting”. Am I being unreasonable?
Hi Traci. Sorry for the delay in my response and I hope this response reaches you in time. So here is my response: You are the executor and you have the right to set the agenda to settle the estate. In fact, you don’t have to have a family meeting and you don’t have to reimburse anyone until all the taxes and debts are paid. If the two sisters, currently living in your Mom’s house, get along, that’s great for you because they are not staying with you giving you the time to operate without interference. However, I would have that family meeting after you set an agenda of what you need to do to settle the estate. First, meet with your attorney to find out exactly what you need to do. If your estate needs to go through probate, you will most likely be under time constraints as you will have deadlines. Regardless, you will have deadlines for filing taxes such as the final return, fiduciary returns if necessary, and maybe estate taxes if there is wealth in the estate. So, you have to figure all this out and set an administrative plan. Once you have all this set up, you can have the family meeting by any method easier for you. At this meeting, you make clear of what you have to accomplish and ask nicely for the time to accomplish your tasks. In terms of reimbursements, mention that it is only fair that reimbursements happen for expenses related to the estate and not personal items.
I won’t lie to you Traci, it’s lonely at the top and if anything goes wrong, it all falls on you. So, meet with your attorney and set an administrative plan to settle the estate before you do anything else.
I hope this helps,
Robert
Your article has helped a lot. I just re-read it and noticed that you responded. Now we are six months in and though it has been quiet as of recent, things are starting to heat up again.
The beligerant sister is now getting another sister involved in her drama because I will not respond to her threats and questions about my supposed inadequatacies. I used a few quotes that you had made as well. “There is nothing in the will that states that…….” That’s a good one and it keeps her quiet.
Initially, she stated there is nothing in the hosue that she wants. Now, all of the sudden she wants to get together as a group and go through room by room and determine what items everyone wants. At our last meeting and in a email re-cap I told all beneficiaries to give me a list of items that they would like in the house (under $300). If there are no overlaps, you can keep the item. If there is more than one person who wants an item then we pick a name out of a hat. She refuses to give me her list. She won’t call me, won’t email me; but insists on going through my other sister to “communicate” with me. It’s pathetic.
I have another sister who wants to buy us out of the home. None of us want the items such as the dining room table (even the beligerant one has no desire for it) or the China Cabinet, so at first we just said keep it. We don’t want it. Now, all of the sudden this beligerant family member is insisting it be sold because she wants the money. I suggested adding like $5,000 it to the cost of the house for the items in the house and the sister who wants to buy the house doesn’t want to roll that cost into the mortgage. These are not large ticket items. No one is going to want to buy a 50 year old dining room table and if they do it’s not going to add up to be much. I just assume letting my sister have the stuff if no one wants it. It’s petty, stupid and highly annoying. This sister WILL NOT go to me. Avoids me like the plague.
Hi Theresa,
If you are the executor of a probated estate and you sell personal possessions from the estate, the proceeds from that sale have to go into the estate account. So, you need to make sure your siblings understand that. You must keep control of personal possessions for estate valuation purposes. The estate tax is a valuation tax and includes the valuation of personal property of the decedent. So, inform your beneficiaries that only items of no value can be taken. Anything with real value must be secured by you and distributed only after all the debts and taxes have been paid.
The easiest way to deal with beneficiaries out of state is to create a group email and list the items of no value that you can distribute now. If no one makes a claim, throw it out. If more than one makes a claim on the same item, have those siblings work it out amongst themselves. They shoud be able to handle that if they are adults.
I hope this helps.
Robert
Appreciate your response. The issue we have is what we consider of “value” is very different. A bed room set purchased 2 years ago for $2,500 to be is of some value. A sofa that is 15 yrs. old and worth $150 is not of real value in my opinion.
Hi Theresa,
As executor in a probate estate, you will need to list some items of personal property in the final accounting. Perhaps a car and furniture will suffice no matter how little value the property has. So, make sure the property you plan to list is in your control until the final distribution. Simply put, don’t take personal property too lightly. You may want to run this topic by the attorney you may be using for this process.
Robert
It does help; however, the beligerant sister may not want the items; but doesn’t want to allow the current sister keep them for herself. She’s being ridiculous. And I am talking like silverware, coffee pot, candle and old Michael Kors Purse. She doesn’t want them; but doesn’t want the person living there to keep the items. It’s petty and quite pathetic.
Hi Theresa,
As Executor, you don’t need to get involved in the pettiness of your beneficiaries if the property is not of value to the estate. They’re adults, let them figure it out.
Robert
I was named the executor of my father’s will in a notarized, but not witnessed codicil. His intentions were clear, but he was too afraid to tell my uncle that he had been replaced or that it was because he didn’t trust him to distribute the estate the way he wanted, or even fairly.
Under what I assume is my uncle’s advice, before my dad even passed, my sister stole his phone, his wallet, and keys. His phone is the only key to his two factor authentication, making it impossible to comb his online presence for accounts to close and settle. She also has the keys to his car and his storage unit. Since none of those items are mentioned specifically in the will, my attorney and local police say there’s nothing I can do. Even though they block my access to potential assets.
I was able to get a spare key to the car so I could take it off the assisted living facility’s property, but until I have his death certificate, I’m limited. Meanwhile, she has changed all of the passwords on nearly all of his accounts, and it seems that she has blocked my number to avoid being challenged or corrected. And know, that this entire time, the only “objectionable” thing I did was ask her a second time for the items. Then she started accusing me of rushing the process, harassing her, and threatened me with her attorney.
Unfortunately for her, she and my uncle are morons. Because she threatened me, I contacted my own lawyer, who informed me that because his bank account was joint to be in mine and his name, all of the funds are legally mine. He said I could probably use that as leverage, but to avoid nuking the situation until she brings out her own launch codes. She also signed away her rights to my dad’s ashes to make me handle all of that, so I have that “bargaining chip” as well.
It’s exhausting, but since my sister and uncle have spent years trying to punish me for being “unlikable,” I’m seeing this as an opportunity to finally hold a mirror to their faces and say, “hey, maybe you guys are the problem?” But if she’s blocked me, I can’t even tell her what I’m having to do and the money I’m spending because she turned dad’s death into a war zone. I mean, refusing contact with the executor is a relinquishment of sorts, isn’t it?
Hello Lillian,
Thank you for contacting me. I think the real problem here may be the codicil. For a codicil to be valid, the document must be notarized and signed by two witnesses. Depending on your state, that codicil may be invalid, which would make the person listed as executor in the will, the valid executor. I would look into that first.
Anyway, let’s assume you remain executor. You have the right to secure your father’s property as the appointed executor. So, give them a second chance to return that property, otherwise there may be legal consequences. So, this is what I would do in your position:
1) Bring the will and codicil to an estate attorney or a probate attorney and find out if you can serve as executor.
2) Also, mention to the attorney that your sister and uncle stole property from your father before death.
I am sure the attorney would put you on the right path, but you have to resolve the first question first: Can you serve as the executor? In Massachusetts, you wouldn’t be able to if you were not mentioned as the executor in the valid will.
I hope this helps.
Robert
I feel your pain. I have yet to resolve my Estate Matter but I believe I am slowly making some pregress. TBC.
I am estate administrator for my uncle. There are 12 heirs. One aunt and 11 nieces and nephews. He died without a will and unexpectedly. My siblings and I account for four of them. Of all these heirs my biggest problems have come from my younger brother foremost and my oldest sister after him. My brother had (at the request of my aunt) removed some lawn equipment and a trailer from my uncles property the day after he suddenly passed. He had his own lawn care and home repair business and had a garage that he also did automotive work. He also had tenants living in his house at the time. M brother also removed a very large coin collection from his house for safe keeping until my aunt could come from a four hour drive down from Vermont. We assumed she was the only beneficiary as the next of kin only until I offered to help with probate and realized (about three weeks after he passed) all of us nieces and nephews were also heirs. When aunt came she quickly began shredding all paperwork. Three large garbage barrels full as I was trying to save as much as I could before it was all gone. I just didn’t think it was a good idea and frankly felt it was a little shady. She spent two weeks here clearing his house of all clothing, all his painting supplies and home repairs equipment and some power tools. Gave away a truck load of home repair supplies and equipment to a cousin of hers, broke open his safe and found about three thousand dollars and a key, took about 1700 worth of change to a bank “with a friend” to pay off the funeral home for the cremation and said she lost the key that was in the safe and didn’t think it was for anything useful anyway. She filled her truck with many boxes of unopened items he would get from like finger hut type stuff but all unopened. She let us take a few things that meant something or that were heirlooms. Then she gave away snow blowers and lawnmowers too. So, now here I am filed for and approved as personal representative and all heirs have signed off on their assents and nominations etc. Here comes the smack in my face. My own brother is refusing to cooperate with me and even let me get inventory of the large assets he took for “safe keeping” to his house. He has the coin collection he let me have an auctioneer come an take a chunk of but refuses to let me take the rest or inventory it or even take pic of it for me so I can inventory it. When I told him I was having someone come to appraise the garage equipment and tools and I wanted to organize out the tools that we know we were not selling (keeping to have for property upkeep and maintenance) he showed up with a friend, Backed his truck up to the garage and just began emptying the garage into his truck literally every power tool, every battery, every staple gun, car part, leaf blower, rakes, even power washer fluid he took. Every time I tried to stop him and tell him he can’t do that this isn’t a free for all this is t how it works etc.. he said I was just looking to “make a quick buck” that if I needed to use anything he took just ask (he has not once brought anything I’ve asked him for since) he’s accused me of being on a power grab of thinking I’m “in charge” that I’m not looking out for what’s best for the beneficiaries even though I am one. He says the house sale will only break down to a couple thousand dollars for us so just get rid of it. Yet he has tool chests worth thousands of dollars and took all the tools that were in them too. I caught my sister and her boyfriend breaking into the garage (someone had been breaking in I thought because I would notice things differently than I left them or the door would be left ajar and things started thinning out slowly but there was so much to try to get through) and all the scrap metal had disappeared that was there and boxes of supplies and tools gone. My brother and sister now won’t talk to me and my mother (not related to my uncle) said “I knew this Charlie (uncle) shit was going to cause problems. You need to just let it go. Why did you even involve yourself?!” And she said she wants nothing to do with me because I told her I was going to file a police report on my sister for stealing because I’m the one who is legally liable and she knew that and she would actually have the audacity to question me on the cash and the account of expenses since I hadn’t yet had the court letters to open the estate account.
This should not be this difficult. My own siblings are making this harder and making it a stressful horrible experience. They have made family issues where there was none and should not be any and blame my uncle and then blame me for taking it on. Yet not see that they are being dishonest disgusting human beings and that is the only reason this is now caused a permanent separation from me and the rest of my immediate family members. It’s awful how greed and inheritance can really change people.
Hi Katherine,
You have my sympathy. I will start off by saying that you can resign as personal representative and let the state handle the estate. This seems like it’s going to be a very contentious administration and you may end up estranged from your family. If you want to continue to serve as personal representative, you will have to hire a probate attorney and work with them. One thing a personal rep can do is recall assets from the estate. A nice legal letter to all the beneficiaries stealing from you should put them in line. And, that’s what you will need.
The one problem with estates and beneficiaries is that most beneficiaries don’t understand the probate process and the personal representative responsibilities. In most cases, they assume they split up the decedents property, pay the taxes and that’s it. It doesn’t work that way and a letter from a probate attorney affirming that they are stealing property from an estate and subject to legal action may straighten them out.
Personally, I would resign. The fact that your Aunt shredded lots of paperwork could cause a stressful consequence for you. You’ll need records for taxes, closing accounts, etc and if they are not there, you will have to find the info online or by calling a lot of folks. That’s a timely proposition. And, hopefully, you don’t have to work because the estate will require a full time effort.
Currently, I am dealing with my Mother’s estate and my siblings are making it tough with the sale of the house that’s in a trust. Unfortunately, I am the trustee taking the heat, but it is nowhere near the heat you are feeling. So, I feel your pain and now is a good time to walk away before you get too deep into the process. At minimum, get an attorney involved.
I hope this helps.
Robert
Good advice. I am the PR for my mom’s estate and two of my siblings are being awful—demanding they decide how/when items are distributed, taking things not bequeathed to them, demanding we distribute all the house contents immediately, getting into boxes of items bequeathed to others, and generally being belligerent toward me for trying to uphold the law and abide by the will. They resent my authority, clearly, and don’t have the human decency to trust, be patient, and respect that I have an obligation to do right by our mom and the law. Luckily, i have one sibling who knows the PR’s duties and the monumental task it is. Still, I hate feeling like my sisters hate me and don’t respect me and say I am “bossy” when I communicate or try to plan. Not a happy family. I wish now I had had them sit down with the attorney to set some boundaries.
Hi Montana,
Your timing for this question is impeccable since I am wrapping up my Mom’s estate after having the same issues with my siblings. There is a lot to tell you as I am planning to post articles on this very issue as soon as I am through with all the taxes remaining on the estate. Here’s what I will tell you now:
1) Make sure all the professionals you are dealing with (attorney, real estate agent, CPA etc) understand that they are only dealing with you and to ignore calls from anyone regarding the estate. Have the professional refer them back to you for resolution. That’s important because if your siblings disrespect you, they may go over your back and make decisions without you knowing. That can’t happen. It did happen to me with my siblings and it created more paper work and other problems.
2) Understand that your signature is the only one that matters. This means that you have the final say. The siblings can act belligerent and tell you what to do, but if the time isn’t right, be belligerent right back. You should take comfort in that and act on it when necessary.
3) Let the estate plan drive your agenda. Don’t stray from your Mom’s final wishes. Work with your attorney and your tax professional and ignore the belligerent siblings.
4) Don’t be afraid to reclaim property from the siblings that are bequeathed to others. Especially if the property is listed in the estate plan. Eventually, you’re going to have to deliver that property to the person your Mother wanted to have it and your siblings have nothing to say about it. To enforce this, you can show them the will and that you’re responsible to deliver that property even if it gets contentious.
I know this is tough because you don’t want to fracture the family ties over property and money. The mistake I made is that I gave in partly because my Mom’s estate didn’t have to go through probate and all her property was only going to her children. So, my siblings thought they had an equal say and that wasn’t the case. It didn’t help the matter that my siblings went over my back to sell the house and even hire the realtor, who I didn’t want. However, they all wanted to move quickly and to avoid a mutiny, I gave in. Big mistake. So, I know what you’re going through. In your instance, it would help you if you have to go through probate because you’ll have the backing of probate court in any dispute and protection from creditors.
In the end, what I would do now is to reclaim property that you will have to deliver at some point to others and store in a place away from your belligerent siblings. The other property you can claim if you want after they clean out the house for you. If they treat you disrespectfully, you can take advantage of your power to claim property after they sorted it all out. Don’t forget you may have to inventory that stuff for estate tax purposes. Use that as an excuse to reclaim property and to keep the peace.
One last word. You mentioned another sibling that understands the process you have to go through. If you need another opinion, discuss with that sibling. Don’t make the mistake I did and discuss each question with all of them. This will allow you to move the estate forward quickly without having to deal with dissenting opinions. The problem I had discussing each issue with all my siblings is that they didn’t understand estate laws at all. Every time I tried to explain they stared at me with blank eyes then would accuse of me of slowing the process by making excuses. In some instances I took the insults and did what I had to regardless, which led to more confrontations. So, my advice to you is avoid the noise and do what you have to do to move the estate toward settlement. When the dust settles, hopefully the family is in tact.
Good luck and contact me anytime you have a question.
Robert
Hi.
I am sorry you are going through this nonsense. My sister was a co-executor of my Mom’s estate, the other co-executor being a trust company. She had no experience, and whenever I offered her advice based on what I had carefully verified on the internet, it was taken as an insult instead of as being helpful. She was doing things that were not within a legal framework.
I wonder if sometimes the real problem is that the siblings are simply not that intelligent and just want to get the whole thing over with and do not realize the implications of doing things wrongly.
I once told my sister about something being “one-third” and she said “Is that 75 percent?”
I realized once again that you cannot argue with illogic.
Hi Stephen,
There are two sides to every story and that’s the problem with this type of forum: you only hear one side. You mentioned there were co-executors involved, so there had to be some type of agreement between the two executors to execute the estate plan. However, if your sibling was working outside the legal framework, an attorney would of put her on the right path. That’s why I always stress to get an estate attorney or any attorney skilled in probate matters. These attorneys will keep an executor on the right path. Especially executors that don’t have a clue of what needs to be done.
In my estate and Montana’s estate, the matter was siblings, as beneficiaries, over-stepping their bounds. Beneficiaries have an interest in the estate, but they need to let the executor work through the process. It doesn’t matter if the beneficiaries are siblings, extended family, or friends. Unless called upon by the executor, beneficiaries need to let the process unfold. So, if beneficiaries include themselves in the process and take over for the executor, they over-stepped their bounds. In the end, if something goes wrong while the executor lost control of the estate, the authorities will go after the executor, not the beneficiaries. Even if the beneficiary caused the problem.
Thanks for your comment.
Robert
In my opinion, Take RD’s advice
“I will start off by saying that you can resign as personal representative and let the state handle the estate.”
Your well being and health are more important. This could drag on for who knows how long. It could take over your life.
I have tried to settle a simple (but now complicated ) estate for 18 years. Don’t ask me how I feel about the Lawyers I have dealt with.
You mentioned there were co-executors involved,[RD]
Quite often this is the kiss of death. Don’t ever ever do this, unless there is a particular reason to do so.
As RD writes, yes, there are 2 sides to every story.
I agree about co-executors: don’t do it.
Robert
@ KATHERINE HUBERT.
Listen to Robert Dowling. Run away as fast as you can. This is one THANKLESS job.
As an Executor, I am still involved with a simple Estate matter that is still unresolved and settled after 15 years.
Robert Martin
My oldest brother, Mike, told me he named me the executor of his will when he passes away. He lives with a younger brother, Dan, whom he has decided is not mentally able to handle the job. Mike has not passed away yet, but his health is not good and he seems to be having some serious memory problems. If Mike passes away and the other brother is still residing in the house, how do I handle this? What do I do if Mike is permanently hospitalized and then I have to deal with Dan (the hostile one)? Mike has given me no further information about his will nor can I ask him; he won’t tell me. When Dan feels threatened in any way he will become hostile and he has in the past become violent. He also has access to guns. Honestly, the idea of being executor in this situation is causing me great anxiety. I am afraid of what may happen. I just want to run from this, but I also want to be “stand-up” and do what is right. Any advice you can give me would be helpful. Thank you.
Hi Susanna,
The answer here is simple: don’t serve as executor. There is no requirement that you have to serve even though you were named to serve in the will. Also, you need to ask Mike to see his estate plan and the plan he has for his brother Dan. If there is no plan for Dan, I would recommend staying out of the situation for your own safety. If Dan is violent with access to guns, you may get hurt. So, I would ask Mike to allow you to review his estate plan with the understanding that if he doesn’t show you the estate plan, you won’t serve as his executor. If he allows you to review the plan and the plan still makes you anxious, suggest changes that will make you comfortable to serve as executor. Otherwise, don’t serve.
Agreed.
It is often, and can be a ‘thankless’ job. You do not need this based on what you have written.
From SNL-LISTEN TO ME NOW! BELIEVE ME LATER… – hans and franz.
After 15 years I have yet to resolve a rather simple Estate in Ontario Canada. The problem? A beneficiary and Lawyer Misconduct.
Hi.
I don’t want to be the belligerent beneficiary, but I live in Canada and am in a 100% discretionary trust after my mother passed away. In the will she stated that it was her “primary intention” that the funds in the trust were to be used for “his benefit”, [mine, the beneficiary’s] and not for anyone else with an interest in the trust.
The capital is invested at a very low interest rate in safe investments only, which are Canada Treasury Bills which dropped their interest rates and are now yielding less than 0.2%. The fee to administer this portion of the estate is 1%. Basically this part of the trust is not working to my benefit, and is not preserving the funds in the estate, but is actually costing me.
I told the corporate trustee that it would be better if I was simply given the money to put in my bank accounts, which have no fees. I asked that about 60% of the capital be transferred. Otherwise this part of the trust is not working to my benefit, actually losing money. In their reply, they basically did not deal with this issue even though I underlined the key points in excerpts from the will.
Are they still following the wishes of my mother when they charge more to administer the investments than the investments themselves offer back? The interest rates were much higher when they drafted the will.
What is your advice? Thanks.
A great site and service you provide!
Hi Stephen,
I responded to your question from the contact form with an email. Refer to the email. Basically, I don’t know much about the trust you mention. However, if you think the trust is being mishandled, you could try contesting the trust. The email goes into more detail.
Robert
The following link might help the rest of us in understanding the difference between a corporate trustee and an individual trustee.
https://legalvision.com.au/difference-between-a-corporate-trustee-and-individual-trustee/
Your mother set it up this way for a reason. What could that reason(s) be? How long will the corporate trustee be in control?
I agree as to rates being so low. We are almost paying the banks to hold our money.
As to the corporate trustee, they are doing what the ‘will’ allows them to do. They abide by your mother’s instructions, her directive. It appears that they are doing that correctly. They get a fee for that, and that works out well for them.
Now, things have changed, as you indicate and it appears that the corporate trustee benefits more than you. That was never the plan. The idea was for ‘you’ to benefit from the plan. It was set up that way for ‘you’, not for the corporate trustee to benefit more than you.
Should you pursue this, you will no doubt need legal assistance. You have to decide if it is worth it. You might succeed, you might not. IMHO. From Canada.
Hi Robert,
Thanks for sharing the information.
Hi,
Thank you for your reply. I think this discretionary trust was set up to give me a safe haven for investments and with a trusted corporation. I think the trust if for as long as there are assets in it, which include a house and capital, about 80/20. It is not only that I am losing about 1% on the capital each year, but the lack of trust I now have in the management of the trust itself by the corporation. Is it not true that they have a “fiduciary duty” to do what is best for the beneficiary? How difficult is it to read the will and where it says at the outset, the “primary intention” of my mother is that the funds in the trust are to be for used for his {her son’s] benefit. it does not say the primary intention is the investment of funds, and especially not at a loss.
Thanks again.
Mr. Dowling,
My father’s estate is in NY. Probate began in 2018. My sister and I are heirs and we are not contesting. We have not been contacted at any point by the executor during the process, and he has withdrawn frozen stocks when they were unfrozen. In less than a year their value has decreased by over $100,000. At no point has the executor contacted us about any investment decision, or frankly discussed any options to try and protect the asset. We asked when he plans to finalize the distributions -(we received a receipt and release 6 months ago)- and was told that distributions will be made by his lawyer. It does not feel , to us, that the executor has performed his duties to protect the estate. Can we petition to have his fees lowered?
I write from Canada but something is very wrong here …or so it appears.
The problem …do we have the full story? You don’t mention who the Executor is (relationship). I believe that as beneficiaries you have a legal right to know what is going on with the Estate. What powers did your father give the Executor? Can you afford to retain a lawyer?
RE stocks. Many stocks have lost in value and that could affect your father’s portfolio. You write Probate began in 2018 (month?)
As you are aware, the moment one dies with a stock portfolio it is deemed to have been sold. It would seem that this info would be available and given to the IRS when you father’s tax information was put together. An account would probably be involved as this can be complicated depending on the Investments. You say the value has decreased by $100K. I suspect the Estate suffered some losses. We don’t know what the value of the Estate is. That is why you might need counsel.
I am not suggesting that the Executor is doing anything wrong but many play games. I am an Executor with a 15 year problem due to a disgruntled Beneficiary and Lawyer Misconduct. No Simple Estate goes on for 15 years unless someone is at fault. TBC
Hi Robert,
I need to clarify your comment about stocks. In the U.S. the moment a person dies the value of the stock gets a stepped-up basis and the stock is not deemed to be sold. Basically, this means the value of the stock is set at the price on the day of death. At this point, the executor is in control of whether to sell or continue to hold the stock. In my situation, shares of stock was part of the estate, which were enjoying a rally at the time. So, I decided to hold the stocks so that when I sold all stocks, they would all be profitable or at least cover the transaction costs to sell the shares. So, there are a lot of considerations an executor has to make regarding stocks. In terms of Jeff’s estate issues, having suffered such a loss in value, the executor may be waiting to recover some of the losses. This is what Jeff needs to find out.
It was Feb 2018. The portfolio was described by the executor as “frozen” and that nothing could be done with it. At some point, and its not clear when, it became “unfrozen” and the funds were transferred to some other investment account that we have no idea about. All we know is at the moment it was withdrawn, it was worth $100,000 less. The explanation given was he never foresaw the pandemic….but plenty of investors moved stocks around as the slide became more like an avalanche to abate losses. We were just told he like most others “didn’t see it coming”.
Executor is a friend of my fathers. We do not know him.
I am an investor and I did not fully comprehend was was about to happen. Some stocks did well others did not. Today I read Coca Cola business is down 29% but the stock is up 3.75% (this AM) Maybe overall it is down. I don’t know.
My portfolio is down and I would not want to die at this time (my kids would lose out).
You can hardly blame an Executor for such decisions. What is his expertise? Expert Advisors did not get it right.
I gather that you father did not share much info re his investments with you and your sibling.
I wonder if the Canadian way is better? Less complicated?
Hi Robert,
Thank you for contributing to the matter. I find the U.S. version to be better for tax purposes. The stepped-up basis eliminates problems in figuring out the cost basis for stocks held for years. Imagine having to figure out a cost basis for stocks held over 40 years factoring in stocks splits, sales etc. Instead, we set the basis at the closing price on the day of death. So, in terms of taxes, it’s much simpler and less taxing in the U.S. In Jeff’s estate, it seems to me that the executor didn’t have the skill to manage the stocks. Although stocks were rallying, the underlying economy was weakening and should of sold into the rally. So, I believe Jeff and the other beneficiaries have a reason to gripe.
Jeff,
Typically, it takes a month for the executor to get approval from the probate court to handle the assets. So, in effect, there is a period of time where the assets are frozen. Once the executor gets the approval, then the stocks have to be transferred from the decedents account to an estate account for the executor to manage the stocks according to the will. Now, if you were a TOD beneficiary for those stocks, he should of transferred those stocks to an account in your name and let you manage the stocks from there. If not, then the executor needs to manage those stocks. So, you may have a gripe depending on how the beneficiaries were listed. I am assuming that the stock beneficiaries were listed in the will and not on the asset. In this case, the stocks would have to go through probate under control of the executor. In any case, there was plenty of time to avoid the severe sell-off in stocks. Another assumption I will make is that the executor is still holding on to the stocks to see if he can recover some of the value. Just an assumption.
Robert D.
Hi Jeff,
Typically, executors won’t discuss options to protect assets with beneficiaries. That’s usually a conversation they will have with the estate attorney if they need someone to help with the situation. The only issue I can see is that the executor did not offer updates on a regular basis to the beneficiaries. Trying to read between the lines, it sounds like a good portion of the estate was in stocks, which could bring up tax issues. Before engaging in any action, I would try to contact the executor or the attorney to find out what is causing the hold up. I will caution you that if the decedent had a lot tied up in stocks, it may take some time to unwind if they decided to sell and distribute the proceeds to beneficiaries. So, this isn’t unusual. Anyway, if you can’t get a hold of either the executor or lawyer, then you can exercise your right as a beneficiary to petition the probate court.
Robert
Yes, there was his house that was sold, but it is mainly otherwise stocks. We plan on transferring them to an investment plan rather than cashing them out. We’ve asked both what the holdup is, and are presently waiting for a third estate valuation….the 1st (DOD) was given in Nov’19-but was not correctly valued …the second came in Jan 2020, and seemed accurate. We were also given a very limited informal accounting, basically their fees,along with a receipt and release to sign in order to finalize the estate. When we asked for a complete accounting before signing the release they dug in their heels, and have resisted sending one. I’ve again asked for a complete accounting, but was again told that we will be receiving an informal accounting. We feel that its a red flag that both executor and lawyer staunchly refuse to give us that information before we sign off on the release. It seems like it would be something they shouldn’t be trying to avoid, but are.
Jeff,
In my experience, I had to give all beneficiaries a Final Account for them to sign off on before I made the final distribution to close the estate. In New York, I am not familiar with the closing rules, but it seems since you are waiting for a third valuation, they may not be required to give a complete accounting. However, you are right to not sign the release until you get the complete accounting. Unfortunately, to pursue action against the estate, you may need to hire a probate attorney to look into these issues. You have mentioned that a previous estate evaluation made sense. So, if you feel you are getting a fair valuation, you will have to consider this before you take on the expense of initiating any action. There is a saying out there that goes like this: “Once you bring in the attorneys to settle an estate, the only winners will be the attorneys”. So, give this careful consideration.
Perhaps they can gripe, but that won’t have any legal effect. The father made his choice re an Executor. The Executor can say “I did my best”
Unless the Executor is accused of misconduct ie. theft of Estate Funds than I don’t think much can be done. As was pointed out, perhaps updates were lacking. Again, the Executor is not an expert and doing the best he/she can.
As to which is better..the Canadian way or the American way.
Perhaps Canadians might say our way is better
Well the issue is to lower fees, which I think is fair. The executor mishandled the stocks and lost a lot of value as a result. Hopefully, that can be negotiated without attorneys getting involved.
In Canada -Ontario we have The Law Society of Upper Canada. Do you have something like that?
Generally, Lawyers would prefer to not have a complaint sent to any Law Society or other. There are many lawyers that are not penalized. Most people do nothing. It is time consuming, costly, stressful. Few understand Estate Law Rule and Regulations. It is not a level playing ground. The key is to find not only a ‘skilled or good’ lawyer but one with integrity, ethics etc. I know of several who draw up a blank space when it comes to that.TBC
Robert,
I am not a lawyer, so I won’t go into this topic too deeply because I don’t know much about oversight of attorneys. But, lawyers do take an oath and if there are complaints about a lawyer, they will go through an investigation and possible disbarment.
URGENT K-1 form help I am the personal rep for my mother’s estate. I have a belligerent brother that has been a problem once he found out I was the personal rep. I have taken the estate through probate and successfully distributed everyone’s equal inheritance. Since those checks went out, my brother has moved and since he is not speaking to me, I cannot find his new address to send his K-1 form for taxes. Time is running out. Please help.
Thank you!
Hi Debra,
I don’t know what to tell you. That’s a first for me. However, your brother will be responsible for taxes on that Schedule K-1 and will have to pay penalties and interest on the income if he doesn’t report the income. So, it’s in his best interest to let you know where to send the information. With that said, you are responsible to provide that information, but you have a good defense in that your brother skipped town without sharing the new address. So, try a little skip-tracing such as contacting known family and friends that you think he is in contact with. If that doesn’t yield results, try contacting his employer or school. If he moved, he would have to inform his employer or school. Additionally, someone would also have to file a change of address with the IRS, so if all else fails, call the IRS. The one advantage you have is that you are a personal representative and if you need information regarding the estate, people will work with you. Remember, you are doing this on behalf of your brother. So, don’t stress over this situation. If you find out where he is two years from now, send him the K-1 and let him know he is still responsible for reporting his portion of the estate income that is now accruing interest and penalties. You can discuss this with a tax professional, but I am sure you have three years to amend a return in which he would have to do to avoid an expensive settlement with the IRS.
Anyway, I hope I gave you some direction and comfort.
Good luck with this belligerent beneficiary.
Robert
Robert,
That is very helpful information. I have tried other family members and he is unemployed, so there’s that. I will see if I can contact the IRS. Thank you so much!
Debbie
Debbie, it just doesn’t get easier for you. One last suggestion is when you contact the IRS, ask them what happens if a person is missing and you can’t send them the K-1 information. If there is no consequence to you, then you are in the clear. In that case, I would send a group email to relatives and friends to contact you if they find the whereabouts of your brother.
Estate and Trust Administration
I came across this site (Utah-US) while looking for Estate Laws Rules Regulations -Canada vs the US. As you will find below, many Estate Laws Rules Regulations are very similar. There may be State and Province differences for both Countries. Where necessary, a skilled lawyer from that State or Province should be contacted.
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https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/can-an-executor-refuse-to-pay-a-beneficiary/
I’m a trustee and a beneficiary of my dad’s estate. My dad’s trust and will we’re copied and pasted from the attorney he used. Hence everything was messed up, so I hired my own estate attorney to fix the language and have the attorney my dad had fill out an affidavit to correct the statement. From the beginning one of the beneficiaries out of four has been belligerent. This beneficiary considered herself a co-trustee when she actually is the successor trustee. This beneficiary locked me out of a trust asset (my dad’s house) and was distributing tangible assets to her kids. This beneficiary refused to pay for utilities to the home as well. Me and this beneficiary were willed the home but I didn’t live there. The trust ran out of money and I needed to get control of this asset to sell it. So when I refused to pay anymore utilities and the utilities threatened to shut off she moved out. Now mind you the utilities never shut off during the dead of winter but she didn’t know that. Now that this beneficiary stated she moved out, I took control of the estate asset, I changed the locks and prepared the house to be listed on the market. I hired other family to assist including my husband who is experienced in electrical, plumbing etc. I paid these family members for their work, kept track of their time and what they did in that time spent working at the home. The house sold within thirty days and I was able to keep the funds going for the trust for future expenses. Now the trust states two beneficiaries get the house, which means we split the sale of the house. But this belligerent beneficiary is draining the funds from the sale of the house. In the trust accounts the money left gets split four ways. I’m trying my best as trustee to make sure the other beneficiaries that don’t get anything from the sale of the house get something from the trust accounts. But this belligerent beneficiary has refused to cooperate and sign any legal documents. The rest of us beneficiaries signed the non judicial settlement agreement, agreeing to the affidavit from my dad’s attorney since he screwed up my dad’s trust paperwork. But this belligerent beneficiary refuses to sign a receipt and release for partial distribution. The belligerent beneficiary has debt and / or creditors after them along with the IRS. I as a trustee I have supplied bank statements to all the beneficiaries but this belligerent beneficiary feels entitled to more than the other beneficiaries. The beneficiaries are allowed annual accounting not monthly like this belligerent beneficiary. I’m moving forward as trustee and filing the fiscal year tax return but I will have to file another trust tax return for the trust because of this belligerent beneficiary refuses to take a partial distribution. As trustee the trust doesn’t state that I’m to pay from the trust accounts this belligerent beneficiary debts (this would be considered a partial distribution per the CPA).
Hello Virginia,
When it comes to estates, the phrase “there’s always one in every crowd” comes to mind. Since I am not familiar with many trusts, I can only give a couple of suggestions in dealing with the rogue beneficiary. To me, it seems the motive for the belligerence is that the beneficiary is desperate for money. Therefore, if at all possible, explain to this beneficiary that if she keeps draining the trust funds, there’ll be no money for any beneficiary. This worked for me in that once the beneficiary realized how their behavior was affecting the estate, the beneficiary fell in line. If this doesn’t work, this belligerent beneficiary, thinking she should be a co-trustee, may feel slighted that she doesn’t have much of a say about running the trust and is striking out against you. With both motives in mind, you may try to bring in another beneficiary to explain that if this behavior keeps up, no one inherits anything. So, these methods may help.
Finally, keep in mind, that this beneficiary is running from creditors, so legal action seems out of the question. The attorney you hired to help with the trust represents only you, not any of the other beneficiaries. Therefore, the belligerent beneficiary would have to hire their own attorney to go after assets in the estate. This means you can approach her calmly and professionally, with your attorney or other beneficiaries, and try to reason with her.
I hope this response helps.
Robert
Hi Robert,
The belligerent beneficiary does have an attorney but is trying to work around him. I’m the youngest of the four beneficiaries. This older sibling that is being belligerent has in the past threatened me, belittle me, harassed me and slander me. She feels entitled to everything. I have taken the advice of my attorney to ignore the belligerent beneficiary and the advice of the CPA to not pay anymore of her creditors from the trust accounts. This belligerent beneficiary refuses to pay for legal fees do to her harming the trust, which is why I wish my dad put in a no contest clause. The belligerent beneficiary also stated that I’m the one harming the trust because I as trustee hired an expensive estate attorney. With this belligerent beneficiary locking me out of a trust asset for five months and not wanting to be responsible for utilities it cost the trust money. This is a lot of stress dealing with the belligerent beneficiary.
What about your expensive estate attorney? What role does he/she play?
What do the other beneficiaries say about this mess? Can you not all take this to Court?
I remain confused.
My attorney isn’t expensive, it’s the time she has put in because of the belligerent beneficiary doing harm to the trust and the rest of us beneficiaries. My attorney had to fix the ambiguous language in the trust with an affidavit from the attorney that wrote it up.
Hi Virginia,
I would encourage you to follow the advice of the professionals, your estate attorney and CPA. As I mentioned previously, I am not familiar with the many types of trusts and how they work. It seems to me that this trust was badly written and put you in the jam you are currently experiencing. You mention that in the past, the belligerent beneficiary treated you badly. I am not sure if this means she treated you badly throughout life or only over the trust. Regardless, the decedent thought it was best to put you in as trustee and the belligerent beneficiary as the successor trustee. Additionally, in the trust agreement, the house went to both of you entitling the belligerent beneficiary to half the proceeds of the house. Obviously, this wasn’t a good choice to put both of you together and you are paying a stressful price.
So, I remain confused. I don’t know how the trust is structured and the rules for distribution. The belligerent beneficiary is entitled to half the proceeds of the sale of the house, but refuses a partial distribution from the trust. Basically, the belligerent beneficiary needs the money. Why would she refuse a partial distribution? Does she want everything she’s entitled to in one distribution? Also, what do the other beneficiaries think of what is happening? Are you communicating with the beneficiaries more regularly than once a year?
Communication is very important in estate administration. As executor, I sent out a group email to each beneficiary updating them on the status of the estate. This made the beneficiaries feel informed and part of the process. As a result, each beneficiary was helpful anytime I needed their signatures, even the belligerent beneficiary. If you are not doing this now, I would recommend starting some type of regular communication. With that said, do you know the motive for all this belligerence? If not, ask your sibling directly. You may find out something you weren’t aware of that you can fix. Also, don’t be hesitant to get the other beneficiaries involved. Have them talk some sense into your older sister explaining the stress she is putting you through with her behavior. If none of this works, discuss with your attorney ways to distribute everything the older sister is entitled to and rid her from the trust administration process. This step would make her nothing more than a nuisance.
In the end, I feel your pain. Belligerent beneficiaries are not fun to deal with regardless of their motive. Because estates are legal entities, the job of administering an estate is stressful enough. Add a belligerent clown and it becomes even more stressful. However, you can simplify matters by listening to your professional team and administering the estate in accordance with the rules set forth in the will and trust. If you’re able to do that, the process becomes smooth and the other distractions become nothing more than a nuisance.
I hope these ideas I put forth can be of some help. If you haven’t already, give them a try. They worked well for me.
Robert
Thank you Rob! When my dad was still living the belligerent beneficiary was the medical POA, while I was the financial POA. But how the trust is written it states that me and belligerent beneficiary get the house and it’s tangible assets. The remaining funds get split between the four siblings. Yes to answer your question, I do speak to my two oldest siblings over the phone and through email regularly. The belligerent beneficiary I am to ignore since she has council. But the belligerent beneficiary is trying to hide from her creditors and the IRS. That is why she wants her creditors paid from the trust. The belligerent beneficiary wanted me to write out her distribution to her son and I can’t do that per my lawyer. The family is broken and always has been. The oldest siblings don’t communicate for reasons I don’t want to discuss.
Virginia, it seems like you are stuck in a no-win situation. On the one hand, you have a belligerent beneficiary hiding from creditors unwilling to take a distribution in fear of being found. On the other hand, the remaining beneficiaries don’t get along and won’t communicate. The silver lining here is that the beneficiaries, other than the belligerent beneficiary, are helpful since they are willing to sign waivers when requested. So, if I was in this mess I would meet with the attorney to discuss how to resign from being the trustee. You don’t have to actually resign, but you can use this as leverage when you need something from each beneficiary like signing waivers etc. Once you have that information and there is a way to escape, get the two beneficiaries you can communicate with and let them know you need their help in dealing with the belligerent beneficiary if the estate administration is to move forward. If they are unwilling to put their differences aside and the belligerent beneficiary still remains lawyered-up hiding from creditors, then play the resignation card. Basically, you need to find a way to get these beneficiaries to work with you when you need them.
Essentially, someone has to approach the belligerent beneficiary and tell her she needs to get her life in order. She has an inheritance coming and should be able to approach these creditors to negotiate some type of settlement. Having to refuse distributions from a trust to avoid creditors is simply unacceptable behavior. Especially if it holds up an estate settlement. So, it seems to me that if the belligerent beneficiary isn’t willing to clean up her act, you’ll be stuck. As a result, if the situation remains the same, I would actually resign. The only other alternative is to bring the issue into court. However, if it gets to that point, the only winner would be the lawyers.
Finally, I hope these ideas spark some creativity for you in dealing with this stalemate. As I mentioned in previous posts, I have limited knowledge when it comes to trusts. This blog is about common estates that typically don’t use trusts. However, there is nothing in estate law that an executor must serve in perpetuity, and I am assuming that is the same with trustees. So, discuss all options with your attorney even if it costs the estate a little money. Hopefully, just the threat of you resigning may result in everyone stepping in line.
Good luck Virginia.
Robert
@Virginia
Thanks for the added info. A Royal mess for sure. What I don’t understand. You are the executor (trustee). Do you not have the power to sell the Estate home and tangible assets (chattels?) according to the ‘will’? Can’t your lawyer get a ‘motion’ going for this? Once that is done then the next task is the ‘trusts’ issue. Don’t the other siblings want to get their inheritance? What is your lawyer’s role in all of this? Is he dragging this out at great expence to the Estate? Scumbag lawyers do exist. They walk among us. I am not suggesting that your lawyer is a scumbag.
Who is the ‘administrator’? You are the ‘trustee’ and this matter has been turned over to an ‘administrator’? Confused.
I have a ‘simple’ Estate Matter that has been going on for 15 years. I am the ‘executor’. My problem in Canada is ‘lawyer (several) misconduct’ and ‘sibling misconduct’ + other . You will no doubt wonder, how is that possible? Wait, there is more but I can’t go there at the moment. My matter is in the hands of a higher power. If they resolve it (to whatever degree), they might muzzle me in the process.
Rob
Sorry to hear about your situation Rob. I’m sure Canada has different laws regarding the matter. I’m in control of everything regarding the trust. There is no administrator or executor, just me trustee. My lawyer is great and very knowledgeable. The house was sold but the money from the sale gets split two ways. The tangible assets get split also in two ways. The remainder of the money in the bank gets split 4 ways.
My sister is suing me before the estate has been settled. She has asked the administrator not to distribute the estate until after she has sued me for what she thinks I owe her. Can she do this before the estate is settled?
Hello Carlton,
The quick answer is yes. Your sister can sue you anytime. Also, while she asked the administrator to hold the distribution process, the administrator would be wise to do so. If the suit spills over to the estate, the administrator could use estate funds to defend the estate rather than their own money.
However, I can’t answer this question adequately. I am not sure if what she alleges you owe belongs to the estate or if it involves personal property between both of you. Basically, I need to know more facts about the dispute. If the suit involves you personally, then settle the dispute with your sister so you can get your inheritance. I am sure the administrator is anxious to complete the settlement of the estate.
Robert
@Carlton
Seriously, do you owe her anything, regardless of the ‘will’?
If you do than you know the answer.
My younger sister is the executor of my mother’s estate. My mother’s remaining 5 children and a grandchild are beneficiaries. The grandchild is the belligerent beneficiary and happens to be a 28 yr old law student. My mother specified her important assets in her will by handwriting — only a few key things to her remaining children only, and her fine jewelry to her grandchildren. (ex: I got her piano ) Everything else in the house she expected her remaining children to distribute amongst themselves and then let the rest of the family choose what they wanted. Some old furniture (non-valuable) 80’s furniture, garden furniture and tools, knick knacks, keepsakes, novelty clocks, a television, some artwork, etc , etc , on and on– and anything else no one wanted to go to an estate sale.. And to return gifts to the givers from over the years. The house is a 65 yr old large 5 bedroom house with a basement and a garage apartment– full of 65 years worth of living. It took a lot of hard, mental and physical work to clear it -months to organize and archive all the photos, documents, my musician dad’s music, my painter mother’s paintings, and to prepare it for the estate sale and sale of house. The old house needed repairs. I managed that project because I had the time and the skills, and I also serve as secretary for my sister as that is my profession. It has taken a team effort and that is what my mother envisioned. She envisioned that her grandson would be grateful to be named a beneficiary, to get a good chunk of money to start life — but never that he would start from day 1 inserting himself in the proceedings, making demands and criticizing my sister and my mother’s lawyer who represents her and wanting more this and that. We all trust each other except for him. He is the stepson of my late brother who died unexpectedly a few months before my parents. We are a loving family and my mother felt sorry for him and gave him a sixth of her estate — we have been loving to him growing up, but he and his mother always hung back– we usually had to make the first gesture, call them, include them. My brother had an unhappy marriage. Also, the Belligerent has accused me of trying to be the executor and making decisions just because I’ve rolled up my sleeves and helped as mentioned above — we had a lot to do to get the job done! Did he expect my sister to do it all? Were we suppose to contact him at college about every decision that was made? I”m the oldest, so I’m also protective of my sister. All of the rest of us were happy with my sister’s way of communicating to us about making distributions, etc.and he was always included. It was often via messenger. But he is saying it’s her fault the house hasn’t sold even though we have the number 1 rated realtors in the city. He is saying my sister and the remaining children made decisions about things he should have been in on – possessions in the house, and he should have had choice just like his aunts and uncles. But, he had no attachment to anything like we did — he hardly visited, whereas we grew up there. So he didn’t want or even know about anything in the house… the felt Xmas reindeer, or some my grandmothers dishes, etc — and my brother taking the dining table that we ate on as children …(the Belligerent beneficiary grandchild is a student in a dorm!) — and he won’t let up. However, the first time he wrote his threatening email to us weeks after my mother died, threatening to hire a lawyer, he said he wanted the pool table. He actually did come over and have his choice of things before the other grandchildren — we were so shocked that we tried to placate him. He didn’t take anything except for an old trophy. But two years on, he is still killing us all with the demands for statements, receipts for repairs, documents on mineral rights, what my sister “gifted” out of the estate, statements before my mother died, what possessions that are still in the house, demanding a key to the house (my sister complied, as she complied with Estate statements) and now calling my sister into a deposition that will be video-taped and used in court! He now has the senior in a law firm he hired writing the demand letter. As to possessions in the house — my late father’s pool table is still there worth about 500 dollars in the basement (and will cost twice as much to remove it),. But my brother (his uncle) wants it. It wasn’t specified in the will. Mom thought we would just sort all the house stuff between us. And what’s amazing is that none of us, her children, fought over anything — from the inexpensive costume jewelry to Mama’s blue pie bowl, an old desk, to those coveted Xmas reindeer. There was so much to choose from and so much went to the estate sale that he could’ve had, nice stuff (but not assets). We are exhausted by this, even though we have proof and receipts and notes about everything that has taken place. My sister has been very good as a basic good family executor handling things. I have spent and will spend hours typing and doing secretarial work. He’s done nothing to help — only hinders and delays the healing process of losing our parents.
Hello,
Thanks for sharing your dilemma. Unfortunately, your Mother committed a crucial error in judgement, possibly two. First, your Mother included a stepchild in her will. In my experience, a stepchild will expose an estate to receive more than intended. This has happened to me and other estates I heard from that had stepchildren included. Second, she dealt with important assets in handwriting. Unfortunately, some probate courts will deem such an addendum to the will as invalid because the change wasn’t notarized and witnessed. However, the executor’s attorney can take a look at that. The point I am trying to make is that if the written part of the will is invalid, there may be no recourse to challenge the belligerent beneficiary. So, these two errors (if the assumptions I made about the handwritten part of the will is in fact invalid) gives this stepchild the opening to create havoc. And, the way things look, the belligerent beneficiary took full advantage.
However, in my experience, even if the handwritten portion of the will is invalid, the portion dealing with personal possessions will be up to the executor. In other words, if the will doesn’t give the executor direction on how to distribute the personal possessions, the executor has the ability to distribute the possessions as she sees fit. In most cases siblings would come before stepchildren. Although, the stepchild must get a fair share of the distribution if listed as a beneficiary. It seems to me that the executor handled the situation properly by allowing the stepchild to visit and pick what he wanted. So, in this case, if the nuisance is all about personal property, I don’t think your sister has anything to worry about. As long as your sister administers the estate according to your Mother’s wishes, she will be fine.
Here are a few more tidbits:
1) Make sure your brother gets that pool table if the executor chooses to give him the table. If there is nothing in the will or other estate document that distributes the pool table to the belligerent beneficiary, the executor should be able to distribute that property as she sees fit.
2) Have the executor consult with her attorney if she hasn’t done so already. She needs to know if the belligerent beneficiary has legitimate claims or is just creating a nuisance to receive more of the assets. Beneficiaries have rights to an estate. The executor should know if the beneficiary is over stepping those rights.
3) If the beneficiary is overstepping, then confront the beneficiary in a way that the person doing the confronting is doing most of the talking. This worked for me. Although the belligerence may persist, the beneficiary will know he is being treated fairly and will get nothing more than intended.
4) In Massachusetts, the only information required to give a beneficiary is a Final Accounting at the end of the administration. During the administration all I had to tell each beneficiary that they will receive all the information once the debts, taxes, and assets have been dealt with. I am not sure why this would be any different in your estate.
Keep in mind, I am not an attorney and I can only give suggestions that worked for me. Unfortunately, estate law may be different from state to state and my reply is made without knowing the location of the estate. Also, since the belligerent beneficiary already hired an attorney and your sister is appearing in a deposition, I am assuming legal action is underway. If legal action is underway, make sure it ends quickly. Otherwise, the attorneys will be the only beneficiaries in the end.
I hope this helps.
Robert
Thanks for your response. Very helpful. Are you suggesting in the deposition that the executor should do the confronting and the talking, rather than being questioned and examined by the beneficiary and his lawyer? The executor’s lawyer will be there. Thanks again.
No, actually it’s too late for confrontation since the belligerent beneficiary is pursuing legal action. At the deposition, the executor needs to follow the advice of her lawyer. The point I was trying to make is to try to appeal to his good side. Make an effort to explain why he was included in the estate and then hit him with “and you return the favor by acting belligerent”? Try to make him reconsider his actions. That approach worked well with me, but people are different.
Although I am not an attorney and have no legal experience in estate matters, I feel your sister handled the estate properly and should do well in the deposition based on what you described to me. Hopefully, your sister will answer the questions in a way that will establish the intent of the will in relation to the belligerent beneficiary. After establishing intent and highlighting the empathy your Mother had for the step grandson, make him look like the greedy beneficiary he clearly became. If successful, I don’t see how any sensible lawyer can proceed with any further action. The facts simply appear to be on the side of the estate.
Anyway, if the deposition doesn’t go well, then maybe the executor should consider meeting with the beneficiary and his lawyer to see what it would take to avoid further legal action. The one thing you want to avoid is having the estate settled in court by lawyers in prolonged legal battles. In that scenario, the only people that inherit will be the lawyers.
Robert
I understand that you are venting and often that is good.
“Mom thought we would just sort all the house stuff between us:.[…]
Your mother had good intentions and never thought for a million years that things would go this way.
Fact is, they do. There are so many stories like this out there. Disgruntled beneficiaries.
Another one that I see- 2 Executors named in the ‘will’. NEVER EVER do this, unless there is a particular reason to do so.
We don’t know if your mother’s lawyer advised her as to the potential problems that could arise with the way it was written.
Many people do not realize that being an Executor can be a thankless job. Most people have no idea of the pitfalls just like you have encountered. After 15 years I have yet to resolve my mother’s Estate and it is all because of a disgruntled beneficiary and lawyers. Hard to believe?
Thanks for your reply. I never said there were two executors named in the will, so not sure …perhaps you are referring to another post? Thanks anyway for responding though.
Re 2 Executors…it had nothing to do with your post. Just an ALERT on my part.
thankyou for these pages, very kind to offer free information to those entrusted to distribute deceased estates.
my dear friend, being most trusted by her two siblings and a former (?) spouse of her beloved mum, was made executor/administrator as her mum died suddenly and intestate.
As the self proclaimed spouse was there when she passed he told attending police that was his wife. Police never checked id and put down her former married name.
The attending doctor put down both names on the coroner’s report and births, deaths and marriages put the death certificate in the married name. This has caused great delays and unacceptability by banks, etc. A new death certificate for the legal name (her maiden name) is now in progression and is a 45 min day process.
The self proclaimed spouse has been able to take over her housing commission home even though he would stay in the spare room intermittently as a convenience when in sydney. his formal address was not at the mother’s home and no identification, bills or financial sharing exists. They were not defactos.
we were shocked at housing department allowing him to stay without proving his status.. his financial income is as a full time carer for another person. he does have a marriage certificate from 1985. Within 5 yrs of that he had left his wife for other women and , indeed, moved in with a lady and had a child with her. As violence is a part of this man’s life we know verbally from our friend’s mother when alive that he would not allow her to divorce him so she changed her name legally back to her maiden name and status in 2000. A stat. dec. was signed by the adult children from a former union and the self proclaimed spouse. The children agreed he could have the home’s possessions and an equal share of monetary assets and, so, keep the peace. The estate is small and does have debts against it. Our concern at this time is a leased car which needs to be returned and sent to auction. He wanted to keep the car and expected the estate to pay it out and give it to him. We explained he could not take over the leasing and indeed could not afford the $1000 per month payment to keep the lease going. He agreed to this and a date set for car pickup. Then he changed his mind and convinced one of the siblings to ask if she would take the car over. She has now agreed the debt on the vehicle is unable to be taken over by her and that it is now ok to pick up the vehicle for auction. The estate is liable for any remaining debt after auction This has caused another delay which has cost the estate another month’s debt incurred. our question is …do beneficiaries have the right to interfere with the executors protection of estate and debts continuing? Are beneficiaries who cause financial delays liable for those amounts or must the whole estate pay for delays? As he will be unable to prove a legitimate relationship with the deceased is the stat. dec. stating he is the spouse still viable? We appreciate your interest and consideration for those trying to be fair and legal in all aspects of the estate. And to all the executors out there we know this interferes with your ability to grieve for your loved one.
Hello Catherine,
Thank you for your question. I sense you are in a different location than me where estate laws may be different, but I will share what I know about your predicament. In my state of Massachusetts, when a person passes intestate, the probate court will appoint an executor and those that will inherit. With that said, all property of the estate will need to go through probate while the executor is charged with paying all debts and taxes. Whatever property remains, the executor will distribute among the chosen beneficiaries. In the instance of the leased car, the executor is responsible to keep the lease payments up until the car is given up for auction, returned to the dealer, or given to a beneficiary. Since the executor let the beneficiary delay giving the car to auction, the estate must pay the rental fee for another month. The mistake the executor made was allowing the beneficiaries to negotiate who got the car. Once it was determined that the spouse couldn’t afford the car, the executor should of let the car go to auction. Remember, the executor has authority over the property and must handle the property according to the rules of the probate court.
Beneficiaries have rights in the estate, but they don’t have the authority to handle property. The executor must be firm with beneficiaries that try to interfere in the process while administering an estate. If the executor allows interference as you described above, additional costs to the estate result.
As for the stat. dec.,I am not sure how that works. However, it may not matter, or be viable, based on the rules for intestate estates. If a will was nonexistent at the time of the decedent’s death, the probate court will determine who inherits in the estate. Therefore, you may need to ask the court or whatever authority is overseeing this administration if the stat. dec. is viable.
Again, keep in mind that different jurisdictions may have different estate laws. Especially when it comes to intestate estates.
Anyway, I hope this answer gives you the guidance you seek.
Thank you,
Robert
thankyou, Robert, our laws appear to be very similar here. Your reply expedient. Sadly, the leasing firm did not return calls for two weeks when we rang to confirm the car had been picked up for auction, as arranged. The exector was only informed when the beneficiary changed her mind. we do feel let down by the organisation and the beneficiaries but as i keep reading..do the right thing, keep cool and legal and everything will work out as it should. Your reply was very helpful , regardless.
cheers from down under! People are the same the world over! 🙂
I just want to thank you for these articles that you have authored. I am finding some solace while reading them. I am Executor and beneficiary of my father’s will in PA. I was also his POA when he was alive, he passed in early fall of 2017. All personal property has been divided, other properties liquidated and 2 advanced reimbursements have been made to all beneficiaries so far for approximately half of the estate value so far. I am nearing the end of the completion of settling my father’s estate. I have eight siblings who are also all beneficiaries of the estate. I hired my father’s attorney to advise me over the course of the entire process. The will basically stated that everything was to be liquidated and divided equally among all siblings and allowed me to incur no personal expense and to be paid a fiduciary fee. My father owned a furnished home in FL in addition to a furnished home in PA and I have also hired a separate attorney in FL to handle the ancillary probate there. Recently, my siblings have all received an accounting of the entire estate from my PA attorney. One of my siblings had some difficulties in his relationship between him and both parents. He is the “baby” of the family. He has also behaved badly over the course of the entire process, never once contacting/communicating with me directly but never hesitating to call my PA attorney with complaints. It didn’t take long for him to finally come to the understanding that the attorney works for me and not him though. This one sibling refused to sign the waiver for the FL portion of the estate that was issued a couple months ago, that all the other siblings have signed and returned. At that time, He said he wouldn’t sign it until he had a full accounting. He has now received that full accounting(also include the FL portion) from the PA attorney along with a waiver for the PA estate as well, and has been informed by letter to please ask either me or the PA attorney any questions but neither of us has had any communications from him yet of any kind. Meanwhile, the other seven siblings have all signed and returned their waivers for the entire estate to the PA attorney. So at this point, the “baby” still hasn’t signed the waiver for the FL estate and now appears to be ignoring the accounting and waiver issued to him from the PA attorney as well. So here we all are, sitting in limbo, waiting for him to do or say something, anything. Any suggestions on where to go from here would be appreciated.
Hi Susie,
Thank you for your kind comments and I am happy these articles are helping you in some way. Like the saying goes, “There’s one in every crowd”. It seems like your brother was a problem to your parents that you inherited. In my experience, it took a confrontation between me and the belligerent beneficiary to get things moving. However, when it came to signing documents to close the estate, there was never a problem. Simply because the beneficiary knew more property was on the way. So, I never had the level of belligerence you’re dealing with. If there is a sibling that is in close contact with your belligerent sibling, have them contact him and have them ask what it will take for him to sign the form so that you can close the estate. Have them appeal to his common sense by emphasizing that more property is coming his way if he signs. At times, you may have to deputize a beneficiary to act as a “deputy executor” to get you through a situation. Beneficiary pressure can make a belligerent beneficiary move. Additionally, if this contact can be done in person, the better. Usually, an adult will realize they are acting irrationally and will relent.
Unfortunately, I found myself playing mind games to appease a belligerent beneficiary. Your brother is putting you in such a situation. I would try asking the other beneficiaries to help you move your brother. If that doesn’t work, I would discuss the matter with the Florida attorney to see if there is any way legally to make him move on the Florida property. If there is something you can do legally in the state of Florida, before you act, write a group email to all beneficiaries that you will act on the counsel of your attorney if the forms aren’t signed at a set date. Then follow through if the date is not met. Basically, apply pressure, don’t sit in limbo. Especially, since you are at the end.
Anyway, I hope this helps and congratulations on a successful estate settlement. It seems like you had a lot to do, and once your brother comes around, you will feel a real sense of accomplishment.
Good luck with your brother.
Robert
Thank you for the advice. Upon enlisting help of one of my other siblings, my reluctant brother finally signed the waiver/settlement form for both Florida and Pennsylvania. The papers have been filed and I am currently awaiting for the Judges to sign off on the Discharge. Do you have any idea how long that typically takes? I am now wondering if it would be prudent to wait for the judges’ signatures first, considering how difficult my brother has been or if there is nothing to really be concerned about at this point? I am awaiting a phone call back from my attorney for his advice but thought this would be good information for others to have.
I meant if it wise to wait for judges’ signatures before issuing final disbursement checks to all my siblings.
Hi Susie,
I am happy to hear that you resolved the situation with your brother. As for your next question, I would wait to hear from your attorney before issuing the final disbursement checks. Even though the closing process for probate is different in Massachusetts than Pennsylvania and possibly Florida, it’s still a legal process. You want to make sure that you are cleared to disburse the final checks, because after you do make the final distribution, there is nothing left. In my case, once the signed assent forms came in from the beneficiaries, I knew I was cleared to make the final distribution, but I still waited to consult with the attorney. Since a judge needs to sign off, I would definitely wait until your attorney gives you the go ahead just to make sure all legal aspects of the estate are completed. Better to be safe than sorry.
Hi, my relative is the executor and beneficiary of her mother’s estate, everything was to be split 5 ways among her 3 daughters and 2 step-sons. My relative has gotten the bank to sign off on the statement of account after all funeral expenses were paid and taxes filed. One of the step-sons is looking for detailed financial statements. How much info does the executor need to give? For example: Can she show that she spent $100 at Costco for funeral expenses or does she need to show that she spent $50 on flowers and $50 for food. I don’t see how he can dispute what the bank already signed off on as appropriate charges for the funeral but he is and he is refusing to sign a release form until he has details.
Hi Jo,
Thanks for your question. Basically, it all comes down to where your relative is in administering the estate. To me, it sounds like she is in the closing phase since all taxes and expenses of the estate have been paid. If this is the case, then it’s not unreasonable for the beneficiary to ask for details. Especially, if the executor used estate money to pay for all taxes and expenses. If this release form is to close the estate, then your relative should at least provide the same information to the beneficiaries that was approved by the bank. To avoid grumbling from the other four, send the information to all 5. Here in the U.S., estate law is state specific. In my state, in order to close an estate, the executor has to provide a final account to the beneficiaries for there approval. So, it’s only common sense, to keep the executor accountable, that the beneficiaries see the details of how the estate was handled.
My sister (Personal Rep), has completed the probate process of our Father’s estate according to the terms of the will. His step-children are claiming (they did not contest the will in court) that he told them he was leaving them more money, but unfortunately he failed to finish the paperwork before he died. According to the will, my sister and I were the only beneficiaries to the cash and bonds. We gifted some of this money, but not all, to the step-children, even though we were not legally required to do so. Now they want more and are threatening to sue us personally. Do they have a case if our Dad made declarations to them, but failed to finalize the paperwork (POD account)?
Hello,
Thank you for your question. In terms of the estate, you have nothing to worry about. As long as the step-children weren’t part of the estate or listed as a beneficiary directly on an account, they have no claim to any of the property. In fact, they should be grateful to you and your sister for gifting them some of the property. If there was a valid will, declarations mean nothing in an estate.
In terms of a personal lawsuit, I am not an attorney, but there is no basis stating that your sister was negligent in giving money to the step-children. Since the property was distributed through an estate in which they weren’t a part of, I don’t see their claim to the property. Realistically, if they’re just threatening a lawsuit, I don’t think it will go any further. Any attorney would find it difficult to prove negligence in the handling of the property. So, I wouldn’t worry about a lawsuit.
The step-children were named beneficiaries under the “sale of household goods” section and those funds were distributed accordingly. Based on declarations from my Dad, they were also expecting to receive money from a bank account. My Dad did the initial set up of a POD account, but failed to provide all of the required information for the beneficiaries to claim the money. That account then went to probate, where it was subject to the terms of the will – which assigned all cash and bonds to my sister and I in equal portions. The step-kids were expecting that money, but they didn’t contest the will. We notified them in writing that we intended to “gift” them money at the close of probate, so they would understand and reset expectations. After probate and all expenses, we gifted them each the max allowed – there’s 6 step-kids, for tax purposes. They would have received slightly more had the account not gone through probate and they are now pissed at us and threatening to sue us for what they think they should have received. Probate has closed, all beneficiaries have received distributions according to the will and we also sent them each a cashiers check for the “gift”. I got a nasty call from the oldest step-child – he’s 60 years old, threatening a law suit on behalf of the step-kids. Argghhh. Does their case seem viable, given that my Dad did take the initial steps to create a POD? We honestly don’t know why he didn’t finish it, he had plenty of time and opportunity.
Well, things are a little muddier, but you still are fine in terms of handling the property of the estate. Where things get muddy is in the letter you sent the step-children. If they signed off on the estate thinking they would get that money your Father declared that they would get, they could claim they were deceived. However, if the letter specifically told them that they wouldn’t get the money expected and that you would gift them money instead, then you wouldn’t have to worry. So, I still wouldn’t worry about a lawsuit until they file one.
Be advised, I am not an attorney. So, you need to feel confident that the letter that was sent to the step-children wasn’t deceptive. Because the way I read the situation, the step-children signed off on the estate thinking they would get the money. If this were me I would take another look at that letter and try to understand why they feel deceived. If you can’t come up with a reason, move on with your life.
No, we clearly let them know that because the POD had not been signed, the account would go through probate and be subject to the terms of the will. We even told them how much money we were gifting them. The probate attorney handled everything correctly, was very clear to reset expectations, and none of the step-kids contested. They all signed the waiver for hearing, and received a copy of the court order. It just seems odd that they would wait until everything was completed but – I guess they were waiting for their gift checks to arrive before they started getting ugly. Thanks for the response. I’ll connect with an attorney again locally if we see something formal from them.
@ J Allaire
I believe Robert Dowling’s response to be well stated. I am not a lawyer, but I have spent (due to my situation) many years reading about Estate Laws. If it is not in the ‘Will’ then chances are it does not hold water. I commend you for trying to smooth things over and give some money.
There is a lesson here. Make sure you have a ‘Will’, keep it updated to be sure the people you care about get what you wanted them to have. Keep records and basically don’t trust anyone. Sounds somewhat cold but that ‘could’ save an Estate from becoming an ‘Estate Horror’.
Thanks for your response. I know the probate was executed well and my sister was meticulous about keeping records, so the probate closed with no issues. It’s the “aftermath” outside of probate that is concerning us. They claim that my Dad established “intent” to give them money, even if he didn’t finish the paperwork. That’s their basis for threatening to sue us. We don’t know what was in his mind, if he changed it, whatever, but we did want to try to make amends, given their expectations. Being screamed at and threatened was not what I was expecting after having given them money we weren’t legally required to. I did consult with an attorney to come up with a plan for gifting them money, but at that point there was no threats, so we thought it would be a simple transaction. Now they have their money and some resources to hire an attorney. We would have been better off not giving them anything in hind sight. This has been and exhausting year.
Now they have their money and some resources to hire an attorney.[…]
They have that right, but I doubt if an attorney will see it any different. If they get one, respond with your information. Drag it out. Always be courteous. Many people make a huge mistake and are combative. Also some lawyers are quick to remind you of your ‘tone’. Many people crumble when they are threatened with a lawsuit.
If there is more ‘horror’let us know.
This has been and exhausting year.[..] I have been held hostage by a sibling and ‘lawyers’ for 11 years. I am at the deposition stage and a Trial will likely follow.
Based on what you have written, your sister has done a very good job as executor.
Well, you have my deepest sympathy. It’s quite an ordeal to administer an estate, even in the best of circumstances. I wish you a speedy (too late for that, right?) deposition and trial. Good luck.
As executor of late mothers estate who passed nov 2016 i hav e received about 10 lawyers letters from a sibling who i don, t speak too basically stupid things threatening me thr was no probate needed for estate and mother stated on her will an amount which he had to receive i have not distributed anything as yet from estate as i feel all the letters i have been receiving have bee n putting pressure on me to fullfill my duty .i did reply back to few letters but felt i was just repeating myself over and over.how long does an executor have to carry out there role.thankyou.
Hi Susan,
Don’t let the letters pressure you. The attorney sending those letters should know that property listed in a will has to go through probate if your state has a probate procedure for estates. In Massachusetts, an estate going through a formal probate proceeding takes a year. The process takes a year mainly because Massachusetts gives creditors one year to make a claim against the estate. If a claim wasn’t made in that year by a creditor, then the creditor can never make a claim against the estate. So, that’s a great protection for the executor.
Anyway, not knowing where the estate is located, and it sounds like the estate has a probate procedure, the letters are baseless. If your Mother wanted the sibling to have that property, she should of named the sibling a beneficiary or put his name on the property. So, you should contact the sibling and tell him since the property was left in the will, it has to go through probate. Until the bills and taxes of the estate are paid, you can’t distribute the property. In fact, if there is not enough money in the estate to cover the expenses, you may have to sell the property left to him to cover those expenses. Basically, your sibling needs to let you do the job of the executor and it is up to you to explain to him what that entails.
Also, I need to add the disclaimer that estate law is state specific. The information above is standard for any estate going through probate. Basically, as executor your primary role is to pay expenses and taxes first, then distribute to beneficiaries whatever is left. So, just follow the suggestions in the article and you will be fine. Take a deep breath, collect yourself, and move the estate forward. It seems you are close to the finish; don’t let the noise trip you up.
@Susan Coll
Your letter is very difficult to follow. We don’t know enough of your situation. As the executor you have an obligation to follow the Will and Estate laws wherever you may reside.
It appears you and your sibling do not have good relationship and you appear to be angry about ‘something’. If you have done your job according to the Will and you have answered all the necessary questions from the beneficiary than all should be working. I assume you have a lawyer who advises you. If you are withholding any important information from the beneficiary than that individual will not sign off ie Certificate re IRS or CRA (Canada). Again, not knowing enough of your situation your sibling/beneficiary may well be a PITA. I do know that that many Executors play games. The Laws are too easy on them. Most problems occur with Executors.
I am in a situation as Executor with a ‘genuine’ sibling/residual beneficiary who will not comply and give me what I need to resolve and finalize the Estate. As Executor I have ‘conducted myself accordingly’. I can’t get a Trial going. I can’t get a deposition going. This mess that has been going on for 11 years. Obviously there is something very wrong here and the lawyers know why.
Hi Robert,
The comment was hard to follow, but what I did get was that the sibling wanted the property listed in the Mother’s will. The sibling thinks that the property didn’t need to be probated. Also, the comment mentioned probate, so I assumed there was a probate process involved in the estate administration. If this is the case, then the sibling has to wait until the expenses and taxes of the estate are paid before any property is distributed. In many states that use probate, this is standard procedure. However, you are correct in that estate law is state specific, including probate rules. So, an attorney should be advising her.
March 18, 2017
I have been trying to resolve an estate in the Niagara Region for 11 years. I am an executor beneficiary.
I am dealing with a disgruntled beneficiary, who is in the Estate home and is withholding Estate monies. The problem I have is not just with the beneficiary but with lawyers who have misbehaved and a Case Management Conference Judge who was biased towards the lawyers.
This case is currently before the court, as it’s the only way I can resolve and settle.
Good tips in the article.
I am sorry to hear that you’re having a difficult time. The problem seems to be that the disgruntled beneficiary has control of some of the assets which is never a good situation for an executor. Also, having to get attorneys involved to resolve this problem will only increase your expenses and reduce distributable property. I know I stated the obvious but I do sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately, problems like yours result from poor estate planning by the decedent. Otherwise, the disgruntled beneficiary would never have control of any asset. Anyway, stay strong for the other beneficiaries and follow the rules. In the end, it will all work out.
Unfortunately, problems like yours result from poor estate planning by the decedent[..]
I don’t believe that to be the case, in my case. My sibling got POA of our mother who had Alzheimer. Sibling also had control of all the financials. Estate Monies were put into a personal bank account including another claim that a gift was given. Problem , there is no documentation.
I do agree with you that Estate problems are often the result of poor estate planning by the decedents. When disgruntled beneficiaries cheat and lie and create problems then executors are caught having to clean up the mess. When lawyers lie, cheat and deceive then we have a bigger problem.
I understand that you know very little about my case but my commenting here might help someone else.
It is important to state that I have conducted myself accordingly in every way. Never lied, fabricated, embellished, misappropriated estate funds, complied with all requests.
Completed both Informal and Formal Pass Accounts. They essentially match considering that the disgruntled beneficiary holds about 18% of estate monies.
It is before the Court.
Oh, sorry to hear about the way your Mother passed. Alzheimer is a terrible disease. Also, I do appreciate you sharing this story to help others in similar circumstances. Thank you very much.
This article has a lot of interest from viewers because a lot of estates have disgruntled beneficiaries. And, I have viewers from all over the world reading this article. So, this problem with beneficiaries is worldwide. Anyway, I did make assumptions in my last response, but I need to mention a couple of things. You mentioned that Estate Monies were put into a personal bank account. I am not sure if you know, but you may have to file a gift tax return for the estate if that transfer was considered a gift. Even though you won’t have to pay a gift tax because of the high lifetime limit, you will have to file a gift tax return. I wrote an article on gift taxes and you can read it here if a gift tax applies: http://www.thecommonexecutor.com/estate-tax-and-gift-tax-estate. So, look into the gift tax if you think it is applicable and if you’re already working with a tax professional or accountant. I don’t want to see you blindsided considering all the other problems you’re dealing with.
I sympathize with your situation. It seems to me you became the executor while your sibling handled the estate and your Mother’s affairs before her passing. This wouldn’t put you in a good situation. Anyway, I am sure the court will come to some sort of resolution to help you finally close the estate. Good luck and keep fighting the good fight.
Wow. I’m the Estate Trustee for my uncle’s estate and I have the same beneficiary. They’ve demanded reports, copies of all receipts, threatened a lawsuit, and recently said they’re going to the police. It’s been absolutely ridiculous – I keep wondering what they will come up with next. The latest involves reporting me to the police for theft. I’ve kept the few pitiful family mementos at my house but I’ve been accused of giving these items to another beneficiary (I haven’t). The belligerent beneficiary is convinced that’s what I’ve done so they’re going to report me to the police. They want to report me for a theft that hasn’t happened…. I can just imagine what the police will say…
AK, it sounds like you’re in the same boat as I once was. Anyway, as long as you are doing things according to the will or trust document, this beneficiary is nothing but a nuisance to you. Let the beneficiary make a fool of themselves. Just concentrate on moving the estate toward settlement.
Also, follow the tips in the article, they served me well.
Good luck with your estate and if you any have questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to contact me through the Contact Form or here in the comments.